The Pleasant-Cain Cases
by Mackinaw Weasel
Summary: Read the case files of Pleasant and Cain, because besides saving the world the detective duo have a lot of other things on their plates! Like solving crime and kicking butt and being awesome... and patching up everyones' problems...
1. 0001: Elder's Staff

**Just a fun story to be updated sporadically ;D Follows the case files of Pleasant and Cain through the years and times when they're not out there saving the world - cuz they have a job, right? They're detectives and they got stuff to solve and find!**

**Valkyrie is a different age every case - cuz, you know, we just be browsing through their case files ;D**

**Valkyrie: 12**

* * *

**OPEN**

* * *

**Case File #0001: Elder's Staff**

**Assigned Detectives: Sanctuary Prime Detective Skulduggery Pleasant, Trainee Detective Valkyrie Cain**

**Objective: Retrieve the staff**

**Referred by: Grand Mage Thurid Guild**

**Signed by: T. Guild**

**Other notes:**

**_Bloody left the staff for a single bloody second and an Imp got it. Not a word to anyone, Pleasant, or I'll have your head._**

**_And by god, I'll make it hard for you to find another one._**

* * *

Skulduggery looked at his pocket watch, sighed dramatically and cocked his shotgun.

She had one job, _one_ job: to flush the imp out.

Was it that hard for a twelve year old to flush out a two foot imp?

Were all twelve year olds so incapable nowadays?

Skulduggery couldn't exactly remember what he was like when he was twelve, but he figured he probably wasn't as useless as Valkyrie Cain was proving to be right this very minute.

He walked to the tiny, child-sized hole in the cliff side and crouched, using the shotgun as a lever as he peered into the darkness. Everything was as an imp hole should be, and he lit a small flame in his hand and reached his arm in. The tunnel went further than the firelight could illuminate and there were clearly no signs of his twelve year old companion.

If circumstances demanded it Skulduggery would have most likely been able to fold himself into the hole and could have flushed the imp out himself, but that would have required a whole lot of grunting and elbow scraping on his behalf; not to mention all that dirt and rock damaging his good suit. And besides, young Valkyrie had seemed plenty eager to prove her worth.

After he had _ordered_ her to go in.

Well, asked.

Bribed.

Something about wanting tickets for something or other. But he figured if he didn't bring it up Valkyrie would forget about it and get on with her life. Twelve year olds were often forgetful. Stupid, actually. Really gullible.

Skulduggery studied the edges of the hole and sighed again.

Maybe she had got lost, or stuck, or maybe she had somehow gotten herself killed.

He cocked his head to one side and tutted. There was nothing else for it. With a groan he took of his hat, pulled off the jacket of his suit and placed it folded neatly beneath it, removed his tie and got down on his hands and knees. The damp dirt around the imp hole soaked the knees of his suit pants as he dragged himself into the gap, pushing the shotgun forward.

It was long, arduous and tedious work, but after five minutes Skulduggery found himself travelling along at a reasonable pace. Push the gun, kick forward, slide, reach out again, push the gun, kick forward, slide – it was almost like the breast stroke, except, on the ground.

In an imp hole.

In the dark.

The ten minute mark came and went and Skulduggery ground-swam-breast-stroke-style for another whole minute before he was aware of the air changing shape around him. Here the tunnel widened and it was enough room for him to get to his knees and kneel. Tenderly, he raised an arm above his head and slowly reached upwards until the damp roof of the tunnel met his palm. It was perhaps five feet high.

Skulduggery rearranged his stance and restarted down the tunnel at a crouched jog.

After a few metres he heard the distinguishable sound of shuffling up ahead and retreated to one side of the tunnel wall and pressed himself against it. The shuffling came closer and a light began to glow around the tunnel's bend up ahead. Skulduggery stiffened as the light suddenly went out and led to a deep, dark silence.

He lifted the shotgun a little higher and bent his legs underneath him.

And lunged.

The body he collided into was small, somewhat skinny and sounded remarkably like the startled screams of a little girl.

Skulduggery rolled across the ground like a barrel as the girl fought back, a stray punch landing square on his jaw with a bony clack.

"What the _hell_," she hissed and a weak flame was summoned to her small, pale, shaking hand. "_Skulduggery_?"

He rubbed his jaw. "I thought I told you to suss out your opponent _before_ attacking him!"

Valkyrie gaped in the sputtering light of her spark. "But it was _you_ who attacked _me_?"

"And I could have easily over powered you!"

"You jumped me! In the dark!"

"And that's how lessons are learned," Skulduggery concluded finitely and a fire jumped into his palm. He bent down and picked up his fallen gun and noticed that Valkyrie's leg was twisted in a disturbing fashion. He pointed to it, "How did that happen?"

Valkyrie looked at it, seemed to pale even more and swallowed angrily. "You know how you said, _I'm pretty sure there's only one Imp, Valkyrie, a toddler could wrestle it to the ground with one hand_."

"I may have said something vaguely along those lines, yes."

"Well, there wasn't just _one_. There was _more_ than just _one_. In fact, there's a whole bloody city down there! I wasn't prepared, they jumped me, I got captured, I managed to escape, I fell off a ledge, I broke my leg, I'm in shock, I just want to go home and forget about this stupid case!"

Valkyrie and Skulduggery stared at each other in the flickering lights they had conjured in their hands.

Skulduggery jutted his jaw out stubbornly. "But we haven't retrieved the staff-"

"Forget the staff, Skulduggery! It's gone! We're just going to have to tell the Elders that, _wham_, the Imps' got it. We fought bravely but it was futile."

The skeleton changed his stance and braced himself against his opposite leg, folding his arms thoughtfully. "How many imps are we looking at?"

The twelve year old blanched. "Are…_are_ you _kidding_ me? Did you just ignore me? There's _thousands_ down there. I'm not even joking. The staff is gone. Can we go home now?"

Skulduggery looked at the young girl, studied her dirty clothes and broken leg and messed-up black hair and sweat-dirt marks covering her pale skin – those dark eyes imploring, dull with weariness. He raised his arm higher to cast a longer light down the tunnel. But then the job wasn't done: the staff needed to be retrieved.

He looked back at Valkyrie. There was a deep gash on her cheek and she was shivering.

He looked up at the tunnel.

But the job…

Skulduggery realised he was gradually being defeated by his concern for the child and sighed. "All right, forget the staff. If the Elders' were stupid enough to let it fall into the hands of a race of mindless Imps then I suppose it's not of any remarkable value. We tried, and that's what matters."

Valkyrie brightened.

"Come along then, Cain," he said, amused by her sudden joy and led her forward.

He watched her from the sidelines of his vision as she hobbled after him, face contorted in a stubborn joy and a suppressed pain as she struggled to keep up on her broken leg.

For a twelve year old she showed a lot of resilience, and was pretty annoying when she wanted to be. Except right now. Right now she had all the right in the world to be crying from the pain, in tears, begging for him to carry her and yet, no. She was dragging her broken body alongside him, firm, resolute. Stubborn to the teeth. Probably a trait that was going to get herself killed someday soon, but…

Skulduggery leaned her way and wrapped an arm under her and helped her onwards.

She muttered a snarky comment about him being soft.

He grinned.

Ah, this Valkyrie Cain, tough as nails.

But completely and utterly useless.

* * *

"All healed up?" He asked cheerily as Valkyrie walked out of the Sanctuary's hospital ward, stepping tenderly on her newly healed leg.

She grinned brilliantly. "Almost as good as new!"

Skulduggery doffed his hat with an ivory grin. "I'm glad to hear that," he spun the staff smartly through the air and held it out to Valkryie.

"Oh my god, you got it!" She took it from him and weighed it in her hands. Gold plated and embedded in jewels, approximately five feet long, and intricately carved with Celtic knots. She looked at the skeleton. "_How!?_"

Skulduggery shrugged. "I remembered that Imps have a habit of holding their treasures in obvious spots. I just waited at the hole and followed one to a log and found it sitting there, pretty as a penny."

Valkyrie gaped.

"It sounds simple," Skulduggery continued, "But it is brilliant in its simplicity."

"You _made_ me go down there, into a _hole_, and _break_ my _leg_ for a _staff_ that was sitting in a _log_!?"

"It might seem that way," he said quickly, detecting the angry tones. "But just think of all the experience you garnered! You faced a thousand Imps and survived! That's something you can tell all your friends about."

Valkyrie took several deep breathes and turned on her heel and began to walk up the corridor. "I'm not even going to get angry about this."

Skulduggery trotted after her. "That is very mature of you, Valkyrie."

"And I'm not going to seek revenge either."

"And for that, I am grateful."

"Because you promised to buy me those tickets and that was our deal, so I'm happy with that."

Skulduggery stopped dead in his tracks and watched her swing open the end doors and leave the ward.

Perhaps twelve year olds weren't as forgetful as he had initially hoped…

* * *

**CLOSED**

* * *

**Case File #0001: Elder's Staff**

**Additional Notes:**

**_Reminder: Imps hoard stuff in painfully obvious places._**

**_SkulduggryP_**

* * *

**I always speculated how Skulduggery went from gung-ho solo detective to caring brother-figure to Valkyrie...and I don't think the transition was immediate. Yeah sure, the end of the world probably pushed them together, but then what...? Did that make Skulduggery, a man who is probably so job orientated, suddenly think having a 12 year old partner would be easy. Nope. No it wasn't.**

**He had to kick-ass, be awesome, look great, and baby sit.**

**Culture shock.**

**:D Review if ya have a sec!**


	2. 0065: Exploding Sheep of Kilkenny

**Valkyrie: 12**

* * *

**OPEN**

* * *

**Case File #0065: Exploding Sheep of Kilkenny**

**Assigned Detectives: Sanctuary Prime Detective Skulduggery Pleasant, Trainee Detective Valkyrie Cain**

**Objective: Investigate strange sightings of exploded sheep corpses in the southern regions of Kilkenny – possible sorcerer involvement. Warrant for arrest granted. Cleaver back-up on request.**

**Referred by: Mortal civilian Joey Longuns **

**Signed by: T. Guild**

**Other notes:**

**_You have a warrant for arrest._**

**_I just want ONE criminal, Pleasant._**

**_And it bloody better be the one who actually DID the crime, and NOT the one who annoyed you._**

* * *

They stood under the hot Kilkenny sun with sweat pouring from every nook and joint, panting, groaning, where in the last two hours they had trudged up and down the rabbit-holed paddock like soldiers in squared marching formation.

It was hot. Hot, hot, hot, hot, _hot_! And to her frustration Valkyrie kept stumbling into rabbit holes. The only thing that made her feel any joy was that Skulduggery seemed to be slightly uncomfortable in the heat. He had taken off his jacket, loosened his tie and had unbuttoned the three topmost buttons of his dress shirt in a vain hope that some wind would blow his way.

Valkyrie had his hat.

She had insisted upon it because she could _feel_ the skin on her nose and cheeks begin to burn, dry, blister and peel. As far as she was concerned Skulduggery didn't need a hat to keep cool because he had no skin to protect. She did.

Skulduggery stood sharp against the skyline and his skull gleamed a brilliant white under the insane glare of the Irish summer sun. He scanned the horizon meticulously as Valkyrie sat crouched in his thin shadow, exhausted.

"There is plenty of sheep over there," he informed her for no particular reason as he slowly turned – he had taken the gloves off from his hands, probably too uncomfortably hot to keep on.

"Alive or dead?" Valkyrie asked as she closed her eyes and wished for a breeze to come her way.

"It's hard to say from this distance," he gave a slight sniff. "Most likely dead."

Valkyrie opened an eye and stared incredulously at his back. "You got that deduction from a sniff?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"If you concentrate you can smell the carcasses from here."

Valkyrie paused and gave the air a small snort, twitched her nose, mulled over the scent she had picked up and frowned. "All I can smell is sheep dung."

"Maybe if you stood up off the ground-"

"Forget it! I'll just trust your judgement!"

Skulduggery's head turned around at almost a one-eighty degree angle to stare over his shoulder at her. She always felt that particular stare slightly unnerving. He observed her for a moment and turned back to the direction he wanted to head in.

"We'll go this way," he said and pointed to the horizon – nothing in particular looked interesting over there but Valkyrie got to her feet regardless. "Keep your eyes peeled for anything…suspicious."

He walked onwards and Valkyrie ambled along in his shadow, her head down, the rim of Skulduggery's hat doffed upwards out of her line of vision.

As they walked she studied the foot prints left behind by the detective in the grass. For a skeleton he must have had some remarkable weight because he was most certainly crunching his heel in the dry ground and leaving a definite imprint.

Valkyrie looked up at Skulduggery and studied him. He had the jacket of his suit over one arm and he glided over the hillocky ground like a skater on ice. His skull was startlingly glary.

God, she was jealous of how cool he was.

And with that train of thought, Valkyrie fell into another rabbit hole.

For the millionth time, Skulduggery stopped, laughed, and then lifted her up and out by hooking a bony hand under her arm.

"This doesn't get old for you, does it?" She snapped, straightening her shirt as Skulduggery chuckled merrily to himself.

"No. No it doesn't. I consider your misfortunes as one of life's little perks."

"Oh, well, sheesh, _thanks_."

"Well, wouldn't you find it funny if a four foot pre-teen kept falling into holes?"

Valkyrie huffed. "No, I would _not_ find it funny!"

Skulduggery shrugged. "You're loss then, Valkyrie," he said and glided onwards.

Twenty minutes of walking and they reached the smell Skulduggery's non-existent nose had managed to whiff from miles back, giving Valkyrie the impression that he was like some kind of saggy-eyed bloodhound.

As they stepped over the hillock and into the paddock Valkyrie froze, the sight of the blood spattered across the field and the remains of sheep lying scattered amongst the blood and guts would most definitely be giving her nightmares tonight. She cast her gaze around – most of the poor creatures looked like they had exploded in similar fashion, as if they had rolled onto their backs and _BANG!_ Then left their ribs behind like a carved thanksgiving dinner on those American shows while everything else…

Well, kind of had flown away _everywhere_.

Skulduggery paused a moment before vaulting over the fence into the fly infested field.

"Oh my god!" Valkyrie objected loudly."Are you _kidding!?_ I'm not walking around in that!"

He turned around with his head cocked. "And, why not?"

"Because dead stuff carry _diseases_."

A beat of silence passed.

"I'm going to take that as an insult," Skulduggery said and walked off.

Valkyrie groaned and shouted after him, "You know what I mean!" He just waved nonchalantly at her. "Skulduggery!" She called. "I don't want to…_hey_! _Listen_ will you!? I don't want to-"

He was starting to descend over a rise and grew smaller in size as he walked smoothly between the carcasses.

Valkyrie panicked as she scrambled up the wooden post of the fence and jumped down into the paddock with a fluttering heart. She skirted the dead sheep as best she could. Tried to avoid looking too hard at anything in particular and found herself gaining quickly on Skulduggery who was slowly studying the ground as he made his leisurely way down hill.

Spurred by how close she was Valkyrie skirted around several up turned ribs, jumped over a head, some limbs and was almost at the skeleton's level when a rabbit hole decided to make its presence known.

She went down.

She went down so painfully slowly that it felt as if the fall lasted a good five minutes and all the while she was absolutely powerless to stop it.

Her leg slipped into the hole, her hands shot forward, and the sheep-gut drenched ground came rushing up to her.

Then _SPLOCK._

She went front first into the intestines of a particularly smelly sheep – the splash got into her mouth. She tasted the rusty taste of off blood and chocked back a sob as she slammed her lips shut. Then her chin banged into the grass with a slick splat. The ends of her hair got into the stuff.

She was perhaps down there for half a second.

But it felt like forever.

She felt a hand pull her up by the back of her shirt and set her on her feet again.

It took her a moment to register that Skulduggery was standing there, fussing over her, and asking if she was okay over and over.

Valkyrie stared into Skulduggery's open collar, not fully able to comprehend what had just happened to her. "Some got in my mouth," she murmured, unable to stop clenching her jaw in case she suddenly fell again and swallowed the whole field.

Skulduggery rocked his jaw side to side and finally answered with an, "Ah."

She reached a hand out to him where a bloodied item was clenched in her fist. He reached for it and she let it drop in his hand.

It was a wallet.

Skulduggery flipped it open, read the name of the owner and closed it again. "You may have just found us our clue, Cain," he said.

Valkyrie didn't reply. She just stood wide eyed and thin lipped and covered in blood.

"I said: you may have just found us our clue?"

Nothing.

"Valkyrie?"

Her eyes darted to him and she whimpered.

* * *

"Whoa! Sorry you guys, but we can't have you ride in the car all covered in-"

Skulduggery promptly punched the Sanctuary Official out and crouched over him, cuffing his hands behind his back. "You're under arrest for telling me what I can and cannot do. You may kick him."

Valkyrie kicked him.

"Do you feel better?" He asked her.

She nodded and they climbed into the Sanctuary vehicle, blood, guts, glory and all.

The man lay there on his side as his car drove away.

* * *

**CLOSED**

* * *

**Case File: #0065**

**Notor Skins arrested for Misuse of Magic, Misconduct of Magic in Mortal Presence, Unlawful Damage of Property, and Inhuman Slaughter of Animals: 25 years.**

**Hans Bugle arrested on false pretences: released.**

**Skulduggery Pleasant to take disciplinary action for punching a Sanctuary Official and stealing his car: N/A**

**Additional Notes: **

**Need to take two hats on hot day excursions because Valkyrie says my head looks like a white beacon.**

**SkulduggeryP**

* * *

**:D haha...another chapter for y'all!**

**The lesson Val learned from this case is why be reasonable when you have fists?**

**Violence makes all bad moods go away :D**

**:D PREACH IT!**


	3. 0124: Ghoul in Cork

**Valkyrie: 13**

* * *

**OPEN**

* * *

**Case File #0124: Ghoul in Cork**

**Assigned Detectives: Freelance Detective Skul P., and his awesome partner Valkyrie Cain**

**Objective: Kick some Ghoul butt in Cork**

**Referred by: Some old guy**

**Signed by: Cain**

**Other notes:**

**I don't know what to put here, but Skulduggery is adamant I learn how to fill these out for when I might be a proper detective. When the world stops hating on us. Seriously, this is the most I have written with my hand in a long time. Hope I can read this later. It's pretty messy :D**

**It would seem my partner's writing is, on a whole, appalling. I'd be angry if I didn't already assume that the words above probably say nothing intellectual whatsoever. Anyway. Investigation into the supernatural happenings in Cork, possible Ghoul activities. Plan to engage target and wing it.**

* * *

Valkyrie lowered the file on Ghouls slowly.

_Ghilan_, she corrected herself, in case Skulduggery asked, because he was being pretty testy today. Oh, he was being his usual charming self towards _her_, but she could tell something was all up in his grill by the way he treated the poor man behind the counter at the fuel station. The briskness of his speech, the insulting jibes that lacked his velveteen humour – the way he left the man almost in tears was a pretty big hint. Yeah, he was grumped about something. She suspected it was Remus Crux.

Remus bloody Crux.

It was like Guild was mocking them.

Valkyrie bit her bottom lip angrily and fumed, and accidently gripped the manila folder too hard so that it crumpled a bit. She tutted and flattened it out against her thigh.

"You seem pretty tense," Skulduggery commented as he leaned suddenly against the roof of the Bentley and peered down at her.

Valkyrie jumped slightly and looked up at him, unimpressed. "I'm fine. It's _you_ I'm worrying about."

Skulduggery scoffed and looked off at something to his left. "You shouldn't worry about me, dear."

"Yeah well, you made that poor man cry. I don't care what you say but that was pretty uncalled for. For Christ's sake, he was just doing his _job_."

Skulduggery faced her again and Valkyrie had the feeling he was rolling his eyes at her.

"Look at you, telling _me_ off," he muttered.

She raised her brows at him. "Oh no, don't you get testy at me, mister."

His skeleton eyes gazed down at her. "And what, pray tell, makes you think I'm testy?"

Valkyrie sat a little straighter in the Bentley and began to list things off on her fingers. "_Pray tell_? You say that _all_ the time when you're angry. You were insanely mean to the man at the fuel station. You didn't even bother to give me any quizzes on this case. You haven't asked me _once_ if I'm hungry." She looked at her fingers and nodded. "And you flinch every time I say Remus Crux."

Skulduggery flinched slightly and quickly relaxed. Defeated, he sighed and rested his forehead against the rubber buffers around the Bentley's door. "I seem to be a remarkably effective teacher, don't I?"

Valkyrie shrugged. "Or I've figured you out."

He chuckled. "Highly doubtful."

"Whatever you say," she said with another shrug and tossed the file into the driver's seat, then gave a loud, back-cracking stretch. "Read that file by the way."

"My god, really? Even though I didn't ask you? Who are you and what have you done with my incompetent protégé?"

"Har har."

"But on a positive note, well done. I might be able to make a reasonably non-rubbish detective out of you yet."

Valkyrie beamed. "That's probably the nicest thing you've said all day!"

Skulduggery leaned backwards and stood, straightening his tie as he did so with a casual flair. "I do have my moments."

Valkyrie twisted around so that her boots rested against the cooling cement of the road and looked up at the sky. The sun was sagging low in the west, just above the Cork houses. She could smell the ocean from here and sometimes she could almost imagine hearing it. Some gulls flew homeward through the sky, cacking loudly. She watched Skulduggery's skull follow them as they disappeared.

He was still moody, she could tell, but she was thankful that he was making an effort with her. The entire Crux affair had really gotten to him.

Even this whole Ghoul case screamed a masochistic desperation to _do_ something.

Valkyrie figured out long ago that Skulduggery was the kind of man who needed to be kept busy – Guild knew this, and the Sanctuary was with-holding information from him, _purposefully_, in some kind of school-yard attempt to avoid him from getting involved.

And it was driving him crazy.

Not that he didn't have his own means of harvesting information; Valkyrie remembered him telling her that he had a set of perfectly capable fists that people had a habit of talking to when they got too close to their face. Then he had laughed, rather darkly, and walked off.

It was moments like those that Valkyrie understood why some people out there thought Skulduggery Pleasant was a little on the loose side of the platform of sanity.

She heard the tinkle of bullets as Skulduggery pocketed several handfuls and watched him load his gun.

Valkyrie eyed it with envy. "So, when do I get my own gun?"

He looked up. "I never had a gun when I was thirteen."

"You told me you can barely remember anything before fifty."

A moment of hesitation. "Yes, well, I'm pretty certain guns weren't that accessible in the sixteen-hundreds, what with the plague and all. We had bows and arrows and swords. They were all the rage back then. Now if you asked for one of _those_, I definitely would consider getting you one."

"But I want a _gun_."

"And you're not having one. You don't need it."

"Skul, you're letting a thirteen year-old girl go Ghoul hunting without anything to protect herself with."

Skulduggery stood still for a moment, mulling thoughts over in his empty head. Finally he nodded and reached into the inside pocket of his suit and pulled out something small and silver. He passed it to her and Valkyrie took it with curiosity.

Her face dropped.

It was a whistle.

"Blow on this when you see the Ghoul, and I'll come running _with_ the gun. In a way, you have a gun too."

Valkyrie gaped up at him. Was he grinning? Yes, yes he was. Behind that skull-shaped thick head of his he was bloody grinning. A big, wide, ha-ha in your face, grin.

* * *

Valkyrie shivered as a sea breeze found its way through the graveyard, and her breath caught at every snap and crunch of the dry debris beneath her boots. It wasn't a cold night, on the contrary it was comfortably warm and there was a nice summer smell on the wind that reminded her of home.

It was just this graveyard. It genuinely creeped her out. Dot on seven o'clock a mysterious fog charged in and now hugged her thighs like a ghostly river of grey. Owls had started to hoot chorally and she could swear to god she heard the ominous howl of a wolf.

_Ghalin_, Valkyrie had read, were a kind of Jinn – whatever a Jinn was she didn't know, but Skulduggery had said they usually lived in warmer climates like Africa or Australia, anywhere with a desert – which was why hearing of a Ghoul in Ireland had peaked his detective senses. Hunting a Ghoul was insanely rare in Ireland. Skulduggery said the last time he had heard of one here was in 1845, and he hadn't been involved in its capture because he had been 'too busy' at the time.

Valkyrie jumped as a bat flew over head with a loud thumping of the air and sighed in relief that it wasn't a Ghoul.

Skulduggery and her had flipped a coin.

Heads had been the Cork Cemetery and tails was the Hospital a few blocks away.

It hadn't been at all a fair toss. Valkyrie swore Skulduggery had manipulated the flip with air sorcery because the skeleton seemed to already have had the idea he was going to go there anyway, regardless of what came up.

Deceitful tosser.

Valkyrie gave her flashlight another turn around the graveyard, the stream of light only managing to go ahead several metres before the fog cut it off. Pretty pointless. She went to a tombstone, brown from age and sat on the arch. She turned the flashlight off and a navy darkness moved in and surrounded her gently.

Valkyrie waited.

Ghalin liked to eat the dead and the poorly which idyllically made the space between the Cemetery and the Hospital its hunting grounds. It would be unlikely that they would miss it tonight.

Valkyrie groaned at the thought of Skulduggery being a complete pain tomorrow if they did, by stroke of bad luck, let the creature get away. And they were having a _lot_ of bad luck lately.

Suddenly a light blared into her eyes and Valkyrie brought her arm up to cover them with a snap.

"Oi!" An elderly voice shouted gruffly at her from a distance. "Who're you? What're you doing?"

Valkyrie couldn't see him but the light grew brighter.

"If you'd just stop blinding me!" She shouted back snappishly and the light lowered to her chest. She could see him now, a man in about his fifties, thin and scraggly, with a crooked mouth that strongly suggested he had spent a good portion of his life _not_ smiling. White tufts of hair jutted from parts of his bald scalp and he leaned heavily on a cane which he now raised at her threateningly.

"What're you doing here? _Huh_? Come in here to vandalise my graves? Kick over my vases? Burn my flowers?"

Valkyrie frowned. "Why would I burn your flowers?"

"Because they're pretty!"

"Well, I like flowers too?" Valkyrie replied uneasily.

"Bit weird for a boy to like flowers."

Valkyrie bristled and opened her mouth to snap at him that she was, in fact, a girl, when the fog around them swirled suddenly, _unnaturally_. As if some supernatural force had disturbed it. She watched the fog coil and straighten, very soon appearing to the entire world as if it was untouched.

"Get off-a that grave, boy! Have you no respect!" The old man snapped, brandishing the lump of cane in his hand. "Come on, off!"

Valkyrie hissed at him. "Sssssshh!"

The old man gaped and flustered. "No respect! No respect at all! By Jove, you get off sonny or I call the coppers!"

She slid off the headstone and crouched behind it with her arms out to the side, fingers outstretched and wiggling.

If only she could sense what was out there.

Maybe it was just some animal.

Maybe it wasn't.

The fog swirled around her chest and she stood up again slowly feeling for any pulls in the air.

There was something far away, she was sure…or, well, she guessed. It was hard to tell.

Her back pocket vibrated and she pulled out her phone. "Yeah?" She whispered as the sounds of a throbbing Bentley reached her ears, followed closely by the frantic tones of a speeding Skulduggery.

"The Ghoul is headed for you! I tried to stop it at the hospital but," he groaned and Valkyrie felt a pang of surprise – Skulduggery was the symbol of in-destruction, to hear him hurt put fear in her heart.

"But what…?" She urged, pulling herself closer to the ground and cast wide eyes into the fog and over at the old man now tutting over her, shinning his light through the graveyard.

"It didn't manage to eat. It's hungry."

"And hungry's bad, right?"

"Right. I'll be a few minutes," he paused. "By the way it's attracted to light, so stay in the dark, stay quiet, stay _alive_."

Valkyrie looked up at the old man who shone the beam of his torch in the direction of the entrance and its wrought iron gates, and was about to hiss at him to turn it off when the light glided over two eyes that glinted back at them. They were a ghostly green in colour and shimmered oddly.

"Hey _you!_" The old man shouted angrily and whirled onto Valkyrie. "He a friend of yours? You bringing more here, _huh_?"

Valkyrie cursed and shoved her phone into her back pocket, ignoring the questions Skulduggery was shouting at her as she did so. Her attention focused solely on the ghoul as its eyes weaved and bobbed. It was curious, or smelling them out, or eyeing them up, or…

…it was clearly doing something.

Valkyrie lunged towards the old man and snatched the flashlight from his withered grip. With a Tanith-strengthened right arm she hurled the device through the air and it went soaring way away – she sent a burst of air after it and it flew further, spinning like a carnival pin-wheel. She grabbed the outraged man and dragged him in the opposite direction of the eyes.

"What in the blazes was that for?!" He screamed.

Valkyrie cringed, and in the darkness her foot hit the edge of a tombstone and she stumbled forward, pulling them both down to the fog-moistened grass with a thump.

Panic stricken she darted forward and back onto her feet, yanking up the old man behind her. She managed to urge him into a run and they ducked in and around the tombstones and dived behind a statue of a guardian angel.

_If you can hear me_, Valkyrie found herself suddenly thinking to the angel as she pressed her back to its marble base. _I would very much like to not die tonight_.

The elderly fellow was standing over her, panting heavily. "Just _what_," he snapped quietly, "is going _on_?!"

Valkyrie stole a glance around the statue and studied the graveyard through the fog. She couldn't see much. "We're being hunted by a Ghoul," she said.

The man stood up straighter and scoffed. "Rubbish. You're just mucking around, boy. I'm calling the cops."

From his pants he pulled out his phone and the screen lit up with an explosion of light.

Valkyrie pulled her hair in frustration and reached out to him when something sailed past and pushed him over from behind.

Something that had waxy pale skin; something so human-shaped that Valkyrie screamed in horror as it stood up and growled at the man it had pinned to the ground. The fellow was scrambling at the grass, trying to crawl away but the beast pinned it down with a sadistic grin.

The Ghoul was nothing like the photos in the file had informed her it would look like. It was a man; blended inside another man, merged with another…it went on. Body parts mixed in with other body parts that swam beneath its skin, threatening to burst. Valkyrie watched in horror as the Ghoul opened its mouth and revealed several jaws inside, all different shapes with teeth of varying sharpness and bit down on the old man's left shoulder.

His howl of pain filled the foggy night and Valkyrie stumbled backwards out of shock, almost tripped, regained her balance and raised her arms into the air in front of her and flexed her fingers.

Nothing.

Her heart convulsed at the Ghoul took a hunk of flesh and bone out of the man and swallowed like a pelican consuming fish, its triple throats swelling and pulsating. She took a breath, choked, took another and threw her palms out again.

A small gust of wind buffeted the creature as it was about to make for another bite. It raised its head, it's greenly eyes located her in the gloom and its pale, bald human head pulled back its purple lips in a hateful sneer. It took a step forward, then lunged.

Valkyrie was sprinting faster than she had ever sprinted in her life. The fog left a trail of darkness behind her as she whizzed in and out of tombstones and monuments and burial chambers. She could hear it behind her, bounding along on its hideous legs that were merged with a dozen other limbs – perhaps the parts of its late victims, alive _or dead. _Valkyrie shuddered. If the Ghoul got her, her body would join it in that writhing mass of devoured flesh.

Then she heard it. Heard it growl up the street like a predator and speed towards the front gates, mounted headlights glaring angrily as it turned sharply into the cemetery driveway, spewing gravel from behind it.

Valkyrie watched the gleaming Bentley scream to a stop as the Ghoul leaped, its claws dug themselves like hammers driving nails into her back and she went down with a shout. Down into an open grave.

She flipped as she fell and landed curled on her shoulder blades, legs in the air, and almost passed out from the weird impact. Her neck and back jarred sharply and she gasped for air as she slumped to one side. She tried to shout but a fresh jab of pain racked her head. Her jaw swung loosely on the muscles of her face. Dislocated. Broken.

The Ghoul cackled, its voice echoed in the hollows of its multiple throats. "I'm off to kill your bone friend. And then you're next!"

Valkyrie rolled onto her knees, her eyes crying on their own accord as she slowly nursed her bottom jaw to meet up with its buddy on top. She closed it tenderly and felt another surge of pain.

She sobbed silently and clenched, relocating her jaw with an ear splitting pop. She gasped loudly, gathered her wits that were careening wildly out of control and began the climb out.

She flinched as Skulduggery's gun went off and struggled further for footholds against the dirt. Her left hand reached up and Valkyrie could feel grass under her fingers. Gripping into it she managed to kick herself up the rest of the way and rolled onto the safety of level ground.

The fog was starting to lift and Valkyrie could see the stars shinning above her as she lay still for a moment, pulling herself together, blinking back the tears of pain that threatened to spill. When a howl ripped through the warm Cork air and a body went ploughing into her side, almost making her fall back into the pit if he hadn't wrapped his arms around her at the last moment, saving her.

Skulduggery coughed. "We might be a bit over our heads on this one," he grunted and pulled Valkyrie backwards with him. He rose quickly to a crouch and urged her to do likewise. He raised a ripped glove to his teeth and pointed to their left, and made a gun shape with his thumb tucked in and the white bone of his pointer finger extended, gestured a shooting motion, the recoil of the shot and then ran a finger across his throat, followed by a limp drop of his head.

Valkyrie stared, frowned, and went left.

He had dropped the gun.

She was used to him dropping his gun. It was like when he needed it the most, Skulduggery would throw it aside and kung-fu the bad guy instead. But if _she_ was allowed a gun she could have easily given hers to him. It would be better, it made _sense_.

A metallic clack resounded underneath the sole of her boot and she bent down quickly to retrieve it. She held it in her hand and revelled in its weight. Maybe if she didn't stuff tonight up Skulduggery would consider her worthy enough to have one.

In the darkness came Skulduggery's scream that echoed and echoed again against the tombstones.

Valkyrie cocked the gun and ran.

The Ghoul had changed shape, had become more solid and had the face of the old man. His frail and withered features tormented into an animalistic snarl and the towering beast stood over the detective raking it claws across his chest – shreds of suit and bone flew like leaves in the dim star light.

Valkyrie ran. She could taste blood in her mouth as she aimed for the Ghoul's white and pale head, pulled back the hammer, exhaled like Skulduggery had taught her, and fired.

There came a small, pathetic click.

Breathing heavily now, and with bile rising in her throat, Valkyrie pulled the hammer back again and fired.

Nothing.

She started running towards its fleshy white back, shooting empty rounds at it in hope that there was a least one bullet in the barrel somewhere. There wasn't.

Valkyrie looked left at a grave, saw a rusted shovel laying abandon in the shadow of a tombstone and grabbed it without slowing down. The creature was enjoying its torturing too much to notice her silently leap high into the air, swinging the blade of her shovel threw the air at its neck to neatly slice through its spinal column and decapitate it.

The old man's head dropped to the ground with a thud and reverted back to the grotesque mass of waxy skin of the Ghoul.

Black blood spurted from the severed neck and the body began to writhe and twitch.

Valkyrie dodged under the swinging claws to Skulduggery and pulled him behind a statue of the Virgin Mary.

He was unconscious.

Or dead.

Valkyrie couldn't tell.

But after a few minutes of trying to make him reasonably comfortable his jaw opened a fraction and he let out a low groan as he sat up stiffly.

Valkyrie yelped in delight and threw herself onto him, tightly hugging his grated ribcage. She felt him wearily pat her head.

"See? You didn't need a gun at all."

She punched him in the jaw and he went down again.

* * *

Kenspeckle Grouse looked up at the two as they dragged themselves for the millionth time, broken and bloodied through his doors, looking like children who had accidently started a school-yard brawl. Skulduggery motioned vaguely to Valkyrie whose face was cut and bloodied and bruised a rainbow of black, greens and blues.

He turned around slowly in his swivel chair and rubbed his eyebrows in vexation. "And what in sanity's name have you got her into, you sorry excuse for a detective?"

Skulduggery coughed into his clenched fist. "Ghoul."

Kenspeckle frowned. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over your obscure answer converted into a cough."

"It was a Ghoul," the skeleton replied with a sigh as Kenspeckle erupted into a loud and highly gesticulated one-sided argument about how dangerous Ghalin are and why would he drag a thirteen year old girl who's terribly impressionable out hunting for _those_ sort of creatures in the dark, in a graveyard – and he raved on about what kind of mad man he was.

Valkyrie took the doctor's side and glowered angrily at Skulduggery who slowly turned in her direction and gazed at her almost apologetically as Kenspeckle screamed on.

But Valkyrie didn't care.

She just couldn't wait until her jaw was healed so she could tell Kenspeckle that Skulduggery didn't even bother giving her some form of protection.

Like a gun.

* * *

**CLOSED**

* * *

**Case File #0124: Ghoul in Cork**

**I killed the Ghoul, I got us the money. So I should be allowed a gun :C**

**Additional Notes:**

**8C _I really really really really really really really want a gun now Skulduggery. You heard Kenspeckle, I NEED to be protected and you're clearly not capable enough to do that for me. I mean, I've saved your butt like a bajillion times now and I could've done it more times if I could shoot something dead without having to get near it. I want one. I want one now!_ :(**

**Cain**

_**Judging by all the unhappy faces drawn around the edge of this folder I'm going to assume Valkyrie's written something about her not having a TV in her bedroom. I said no. I like televisions to be in the lounge room – that's where they're**** supposed ****to be. And no amount of her telling me that I'm uncool or old fashioned is going to change my mind.**_

_**Mortal was killed during Ghoul hunt: Mister Erik Keern. Devoured by Ghoul.**_

**SkulduggeryP**

* * *

**Val worked out early in life that she needed a gun. **

**NOT a sword. **

**NOT a bow and arrow.**

**And most definitely NOT a whistle.**

**Review now and demand that Skul finally give Val a blinkin' gun.**

**THE KID NEEDS ONE!**

**On a side notes guys thank you for all your support! You all don;t know how much your reviews mean to me :D Sorry I haven't reply back as of it! Been a wee-bit busy ;D Will get around to it soooooooooooon!**


	4. 2367: The Paris Snatcher

**Valkyrie: 19**

* * *

**OPEN**

* * *

**Case File #2367: The Paris Snatcher**

**Assigned Detectives: Irish Prime Detective Skulduggery Pleasant, French Prime Detective Blu`er Vich, Irish Detective Trainee Valkyrie Cain, French Detective Trainee Claire de Lune**

**Objective: The capture and arrest of the Paris Snatcher Thom-Maz Le Leaper. Warrant for arrest granted. Use of excessive force permitted. Cleavers on stand-by. **

**Referred by: Irish Grand Mage Erskine Ravel and French Grand Mage Itus Thibault**

**Signed by: E.R & Thibault. I**

**Other notes:**

**_Hey Skulduggery, we really want the French Sanctuary to like us so please try not to destroy too much – it'd be nice to be liked for a change. I get so much hate mail. It's really down putting. So I'm asking you: do this one thing for me and I might try and levy up your pay. And/or you can have that really nice coat stand I see you "eyeball" every time you're at my house._**

* * *

Blu`er Vich was a tall, pale man; taller and possibly paler than Skulduggery, and dressed in a sharp black suit that accentuated his stunning blue eyes which shone brilliantly under his fedora and the French Sanctuary lighting – that were a million, _billion__,_ times better than the dark, dank Sanctuary back in Roarhaven.

God, the French Sanctuary was a _squillion _times nicer than the Irish – even _smelt_ nicer. It was above grounds for starters and in a beautiful modern building. Everyone here bustled about in well-cut suits and with well-cut hair, as opposed to moping about in robes and, well, she never saw anyone's hair much under their drawn hoods.

Valkyrie had this nostalgic feeling she was walking on the set of a James Bond movie.

And the thought gave her excited chills.

Blu`er Vich shook Skulduggery's hand enthusiastically and then hers. His alabaster skin was calloused and his fingers were strong from years of working as the French's Prime Detective. He had a nice smile too, it was narrow but it reached his eyes.

Oh, she liked him.

Vich motioned to his young partner, Claire de Lune, a nineteen year old girl a little shorter and softer in build to Valkyrie who came forward shyly and shook her hand.

Her palm was soft like butter and Valkyrie easily slipped out of her grip, and smiled sardonically.

Skulduggery took her hand and raised it to his teeth with a charming nod. Claire blushed furiously and seemed to fluster something to him in French, which Skulduggery answered back smoothly, deeply, almost causing her to bleed from the pores in her face. Valkyrie bristled.

Oh, she hated her.

Perfect little Miss Priss, all pretty and tan and blonde and green eyed and French and stuff. She even wore pretty things: a pale blue dress and lacy cardigan. It was hardly fitting for a detective in the field. Valkyrie crossed her arms and watched as Vich spoke to Skulduggery a few seconds longer, shared a laugh, gave her a nod and then gathered his pathetic protégé to his side and glided smoothly away.

"Well," said Skulduggery with a chirp, spinning on his heels to face her with a skeletal grin that was probably genuine, "they seemed _nice_. That Blu`er Vich, he is certainly a charming fellow, isn't he?"

Valkyrie blew through her nose loudly. "Yeah, he was grand."

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Why am I getting the feeling you're not going to be friendly towards them?"

"Look, Vich I like. He's hot. It's that prissy little sunshine at his side that I can't stand."

The skeleton snorted. "Claire de Lune?"

"That's her."

"I'm pretty sure you could wrestle her to the ground on a Wednesday."

"Damn right," Valkyrie said sharply. "It's just, what's up with her dress? Like that's useful in a fight for your life scenario. Did you _feel_ her hands? Soft, like butter. Weak and flimsy. And what the hell is up with a Wednesday!?"

Skulduggery started forward and she followed him towards the exit, his brogues and her boots clacking rhythmically on the exquisite French Sanctuary tiles. "It's an expression."

They passed through the clear glass doors, which opened and closed for them automatically, and made their way down the marble steps outside. It was a cold autumn night but the wind didn't bother Valkyrie much through her Ghastly-tailored clothing – she wondered how on earth Claire coped in the cold with her blue dress.

"Not an expression I've heard."

Skulduggery shrugged. "Regardless, I want you to be friendly. If not for me, then for dear Erskine, fretting away up on his high throne in Ireland."

"I won't be friendly to _her_," Valkyrie muttered bitterly. "She needs toughening up."

They stopped on the bottom step and walked out onto the curb of the path. Skulduggery's façade went up as he reached out an arm and leaned on the straight of his leg, looking back at Valkyrie with dark, muddy brown eyes beneath a cliff of a forehead.

"You really are being uncharacteristically hostile tonight. Is everything okay?"

"No, everything's _not _okay," she snapped, tightening her black protective coat around her out of sheer moodiness. "_Look_ at me! I'm nineteen and, _and_," she bit her bottom lip and fumed, casting her gaze up the empty road as Skulduggery continued to stick his arm out.

He cocked his head, the mop of dark hair under his hat falling across the bridge of his rather peaky nose. "_Look at you, nineteen, and_…and what?"

"I'm," she flailed her arms around herself and hissed quietly, "_single_."

Skulduggery cast a quick glance around. "And you're whispering because…?"

"Because it's not _normal_! I should have a tonne of boys flocking to my feet. They should be kissing the gravel I walk on, polishing each stone before I step, throwing themselves prostrate in foot deep puddles so I don't get soaked, they-"

"I'm going to stop you there," said Skulduggery with his eyebrows raised in his hairline. "Because, from professional observation, I don't think the twenty-first century male between the ages of zero and a hundred _do _that anymore." He gave her an apologetic face. "Sorry."

Valkyrie sighed loudly. "You _know_ what I _mean_."

"I do. But what you want out of men is incredibly unrealistic."

"No. I'm saying that they _should_ be _attracted_ to _me_."

Skulduggery gave her a look, something between a frown, a smile, and a wince. "Have you ever considered the possibility that your reputation precedes you?"

"Yeah, and so it should!"

"I don't think a lot of men can come to par with a woman who, on multiple accounts, has saved the world from annihilation."

Valkyrie bit her lip. "That can't be all that off putting."

"A man's pride is his whole life. Remember your last boyfriend, Vincent?"

She winced. "Yeah?"

"You saved his life."

"Well, he _was_ going to die…"

"He gave you that super romantic last breath speech about loving you eternally and you jumped in front of the photon beam for him and saved him, remember that?"

Valkyrie lowered her head into her palms and moaned. "Do we have to bring this up _now_!?"

_"You,"_ said Skulduggery pointedly, "should have let him die with his pride. He left you because you shattered it. What is a man if he has no dignity?"

"I don't know, what?"

Skulduggery blinked. "Pardon?"

She frowned. "Tell me, what is a man if he has no dignity?"

The detective sighed. "Valkyrie, it's a figure of speech. You're a little slow tonight, dear."

"Well, you're a man, sort of, when I jumped in front of that truck for you at Laufenberg how come you didn't get your pride all hurt and stuff?"

Skulduggery looked up at the sky and shrugged nonchalantly. "I figured you owe me some after saving your sorry self a million times over!"

He laughed loudly as Valkyrie took two steps towards him and punched him lightly in the chest. He finally lowered his arm and tutted at the deserted road.

"I have come to the finite conclusion that Taxis don't come this way."

Valkyrie snorted and pulled out her phone. "I'll call one."

"Five dollars say you don't get past _Bonjuor_."

"I have enough French to get me by," Valkyrie snapped as she dialled in the number and raised it to her ear. "All those years of fake me in school hasn't been for nothing you know."

The operator picked up in a few seconds, spoke so fast that Valkyrie blanched and threw it a Skulduggery who caught it deftly in mid-air and smoothly finished the transaction.

* * *

The Taxi driver must have smelt the Irish off them because he decided to give the duo a detailed tour of Paris and its busy nightlife, narrating everything he passed in, "hau you Eenglish seey eet? Eet eez, ah…Kapti-veeyting!" Until at last he pulled up the driveway to the small country cottage and let them out with a charming smile and extravagant fare.

Valkyrie waited on the footpath as Skulduggery paid the man and the taxi drove off with a light toot of the horn.

"That," said Skulduggery slowly, lowering the façade with a flick of his wrists at the collarbones, "was enjoyable to say the least."

"Amazing, yeah."

Skulduggery studied her silently and sighed, walked by her and opened the small wooden door with an old iron key. The door swung open silently and Skulduggery stooped slightly to walk in as Valkyrie charged headlong inside, turning on all the lights. He hung the key up on the hook and proceeded to shed off his coat, jacket, hat, shoes and gloves, before stretching backwards with a ripple of pops and cracks.

Valkyrie did likewise, leaving a trail of clothes behind her as she headed for the bathroom.

"I'm off to shower," she called as Skulduggery picked up the mail which had been haphazardly piled on the kitchen bench. "Don't do anything exciting without me!"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Skulduggery called back, dragging his finger along the first envelope and opening up the paper folded tightly inside. It was an advert, and so were most of the others. There was a love letter from an old girlfriend that Skulduggery snorted at and threw aside – Erskine Ravel had a tendency for using his French abode as his come-back-to bachelor pad.

He walked to the lounge room and started the fireplace, feeding the blaze the letters before sitting down in the most prestigious seat in the room with the case file balanced on his lap.

The file was so thick it had to be stored in a box. The folder was leather bound and still yellow pages spewed out of it when he tenderly opened it. They poured out onto the luscious carpet. Skulduggery tutted as Valkyrie came walking in, dressed in purple flannel and a towel wrapped around her shoulders, rubbing the corner of it in her ears.

"You dropped something," she chided and took a seat in one of the long sofas, throwing her feet across it and scooping up the remote.

Skulduggery flicked his fingers and the papers flew back to his lap. "Have you read the file?"

Valkyrie gave him _the look_.

"I guess not then."

She grinned lopsided. "'Mazed you still ask if I have."

"Mm," the detective replied distractedly, flicking through the pages, "the unspectacular would have given up by now."

She flicked on the TV. "The _smart _would have stopped by now."

On the news was the re-run of last week's kidnapping of a ten year old child. Valkyrie didn't understand most of what was being said, but she got the gist. Well, that, and the fact that it was the reason why her and Skulduggery were staying in Ravel's amazing cottage get-away.

Valkyrie frowned. "I don't understand why we're sitting here and not out looking for the poor kid," she said, sitting up and changing channels. It was the news hour and most stations were airing the same thing. "I feel useless."

Skulduggery looked up at the television for a moment and then continued reading. "They have Sensitives working on it, Valkyrie, we'll have a lead soon."

"But it's been four days already and no one's found anything, don't you think-"

"That we should just side-step the whole waiting part and do our own investigation like we normally do, find the bad guy and make them pay?"

Valkyrie grinned and got to her feet. "_Now_ you're talking!"

Skulduggery shuffled the papers straighter against his knees. "No."

Her smiled faltered. "Huh? What? But you just said…?"

"That was sarcasm."

"Yeah, well, it sounded legit to me!"

"That's because you think with your fists, and not your head. Valkyrie, we're in France, the country of pompousness and protocol. These are the people who practically invented the phrase _follow the rules, or else_." He cast his gaze across at her. "Trust me when I say French sorcerers are not the kind of sorcerers you want to have holding a grudge against you."

Valkyrie grounded her teeth together loudly. "But…but no one's doing anything for the kid! He could be dying for all we know!"

Skulduggery glared at her hollowly. "Valkyrie, relax, what can be done is being done."

She looked suddenly towards the door.

Skulduggery raised himself higher in his seat. "Valkyrie," he said warningly, "sit back down."

There was a tense moment where he thought she was going to make a mad bolt for the door, but then Valkyrie Cain slumped back into her chair and crossed her arms grumpily.

Skulduggery chuckled inwardly. "That's my girl."

"I'll give them a day. Then we do things _my_ way."

"We'll see."

* * *

Two days passed with relative nothingness when Vich surprised them with a visit just as Valkyrie lost for the umpteenth time at Badminton, Skulduggery slamming the birdie hard into the ground her side of the court.

Valkyrie threw her racquet at him and screamed just as Vich rounded the side of the cottage, cutting her short with a strangled gasp.

Skulduggery ducked under the net and shook his hand as Valkyrie flustered awkwardly at his side.

"_It is bad news, Skulduggery, but it is also good news. However you want to look at it_," Vich said sadly in French, his blue eyes a dull grey.

"_Has The Paris Snatcher…?_"

Vich nodded solemnly. "_He has struck again. A small girl, about eight, two hours north of here_. _It is rare for him to strike twice in such a short amount of time._"

Skulduggery cocked his head. "_And you think it is a trap_?"

"_Naturally, I am suspicious. He never attacks more than once a decade. Never. But the clues are fresh, and he has left the obvious marks behind. We would be fools not to take him up on his challenge._"

"Hmm."

"_You seem uncertain_."

"Just thinking clever things. _Did you want Valkyrie and I to come in now_?"

Vich smiled and looked at Valkyrie blushing red at his gaze, then back at the skeleton. "_I'll let you finish your game – it seems you are on a winning streak. Just be ready. It won't be long now_."

They shook hands again and parted.

Valkyrie watched him go and slumped. "Is it stupid to wonder if he said anything about me?" She asked Skulduggery hopefully.

Skulduggery twirled his racquet expertly through the air. "He says you have a beautiful scream."

He lifted his free hand in time to divert the air harmlessly around him as Valkyrie lunged.

* * *

It was midnight when Skulduggery's phone rang.

"_Skulduggery, come to the French Sanctuary as soon as you can_."

The detective leapt to his feet, walked the hall to Valkyrie's room and knocked. There came an audible groan and the sound of sheets being kicked off and onto the floor.

"What is it!?"

"Vich wants us at the Sanctuary."

She seemed interested. "Did he sound urgent?"

"Better, _imperative_."

The door opened and Valkyrie came out pulling one of Ghastly's black shirts on over her head, her coat gripped between her teeth.

"Commonven!"

Skulduggery took the jacket from her maw as she walked past and flicked it out neatly before helping her into it. She grinned brightly at him and they exited the cottage.

It was the same Taxi driver from the other night that came out to get them and the two stepped into the car with dread for the ride to come.

Skulduggery took the passenger's seat and gave the man a toothy and charming grin. "You probably don't remember me, but I would much rather that if tonight we could get from point A to point Z without the rest of the alphabet knowing about it. You can do that for us, can't you?"

The driver tutted for a long while. "Eet eez, how you Eenglish say, non very…Konven-shinal."

Skulduggery looked into the rear view mirror, saw Valkyrie leaning against the window, bored and impatient, and turned back to the driver.

"_Marcel – I'm going to call you that_, _I have a gun in my coat pocket that I'm not afraid of using. I'm Irish, and dreadfully liberal about firearms. It's an affliction more than an addiction, I hope you understand. But my partner and I are in a hurry and lives are at stake, so if we could have the super short, _short_, tour I would be very grateful and won't have to fill you with holes and dump you some place 'conventional'."_ He smiled. "_I really am trying to be on my best behaviour while in your beautiful country!_"

The driver stared and blinked, flustered silently for a moment as Skulduggery reached across him, opened his door, unbuckled his seatbelt with a deft click and kicked him out and onto the road.

Skulduggery jumped seats, closed the door and reversed out of the driveway at neck-break speed.

"What the hell happened back there!?" Valkyrie blurted.

"The one thing I hate about the French language," Skulduggery said over the roar of the cab as it, for the first time in its existence, went past the fifty mark on the speedometer, "is that threats don't nearly sound as malicious as they do in English."

* * *

Blu`er Vich and Claire de Lune looked pale under the perfect French Sanctuary lights as they approached each other at speed in the foyer. There were no smiles and no greetings, even Claire's pretty face seemed mallow and pinched in deep and serious concern. Valkyrie studied her closely as Skulduggery and Vich walked away from them to exchange words, she appeared shattered.

Valkyrie bit her tongue and sighed inwardly. "So…what's happened?"

Claire's pretty green eyes welled and threatened to spill. "A boarding school…the Paris Snatcher…he, he took zem all."

Valkyrie frowned. "Hey, hey, don't worry."

"I am…so, so scared."

"Don't be, you gotta be strong, Claire-"

"What ifz…zey all killed!?"

"Well, let's not think like that-"

"What ifz we," she sobbed heavily, "get killed too!"

Valkyrie slapped her across the face.

The hit rang across the empty lobby.

And Valkyrie cringed as Vich and Skulduggery looked up sharply their way.

Vich ran across the gap to his partner, asking what happened as Skulduggery caught her eye and shook his head.

* * *

There was an awkward silence in the cab as it sped along the cobble road towards the boarding school. Blu`er Vich was at the wheel, silent, Claire seated beside him, tears still in her eyes from the stinging sensation in her left cheek.

Valkyrie tried to keep her gaze out the window and at the black scenery which provided no distraction, because every time she didn't she happened to catch Skulduggery's gaze and she wasn't sure of the look he was giving her.

Sometimes she just couldn't read him.

Probably didn't really want to.

Either or.

There were Cleavers already milling about the grounds, holding a few shaken teachers by the arms with a wary gentleness. There was a group at the far back that seemed to be talking amongst themselves and Valkyrie was curious as to what they may have been saying – she had yet to hear Cleavers speak. The four passed a few French Sanctuary Officials and approached two women standing side-by-side, staring hard at the ground.

Vich tapped one on the shoulder and the two turned around in perfect unison. "_The track?_"

"_It is fresh-_" said the one of the left.

"_-and he heads north in-_" continued the one of the right.

"_- a blue van. He is-_"

"_-armed, and dangerous._"

Vich nodded. "_Very well. Thankyou_."

Valkyrie stared wide eyed at them as Skulduggery cocked his head to one side. "_Is there anything else?_"

The two women looked at each other in parallel motion and shook their heads as if confused. "_He is-"_

"_- not like before._"

"_What do you mean?_"

The two shrugged, identical and began to walk away dreamily. Skulduggery and Vich watched them go – Vich with a frown on his handsome face.

"_Slightly disturbing_," he muttered.

Skulduggery shook it off and adjusted his hat. "Probably nothing. Valkyrie," he said, turning on his heel to face her. "I need you to do something for me."

* * *

Claire hugged herself against the cold and frozen wind and trudged behind Valkyrie as they climbed the stairs up to the Sanctuary. She pulled out her I.D card from her handbag and slid it through the slot at the side of the door which opened with a spacey _whoosh_ sound. The two stepped inside and it was immediately warmer. Claire took the lead as they boarded the elevator up to the fortieth floor.

Valkyrie watched the numbers tick slowly past and shuffled her feet around awkwardly.

"I'm sorry for slapping you," she said quickly and suddenly.

Wide, green eyes turned to her and blinked. "Non…it waz my fault…"

"Well not really," Valkyrie replied as the twentieth floor flickered by, "your face didn't decide to swell up the size of my palm on its own accord." She gave the girl an apologetic grimace.

Claire gave a light, nervous laugh. "I don't understandz."

Valkyrie sighed. "I'll get Skulduggery to translate later."

The elevator dinged and they stepped out. The room was cast in a glaringly white light and they cast no shadows as they navigated through the, what Valkyrie deduced, was the French Sanctuary Laboratory.

"Doctor Hershby!" Claire called in her gentle voice. "Doctor Hershby _are you here?_"

An elderly man appeared out of the light with a slight pop and adjusted his crocked glasses so that they sat even more crooked across the bridge of his nose. His jaw had a spatter of irregular grey hairs across it and his eyebrows were so long he swept them back off his eyes like in a hair commercial.

"_Claire? Claire de Lune, just what in the devil are you doing up at this time of night?_"

"_It is urgent! But ah...! This is Valkyrie Cain, she's from Ireland_."

Valkyrie waved awkwardly at hearing her name. "Hey."

"Ah," said the doctor in perfect English, taking her hand in a firm shake, "Miss Cain, your reputation precedes you."

Valkyrie laughed awkwardly. "Well, I hoped not…"

"You're a walking disaster, Cain," the doctor growled, his face turning into a hostile frown as he pulled Valkyrie closer. "People die around you and towns collapse."

Valkyrie blinked and Claire quickly cut between them with a nervous laugh. "Maybe later, doctor."

Hershby let go of Valkyrie's hand with a flick and seemed to chew on his own teeth, glowering at her fiercely. "A particularly jovial Skulduggery Pleasant called ahead already, you want the remains, yes?"

Claire nodded eagerly before Valkyrie could respond, rubbing her hand with an angry glare. He disappeared into the light for a moment and reappeared just a quickly – Valkyrie blinked, unsure of how it had done it. He pressed a large, wobbling sack to Claire's arms and gave Valkyrie one last snort of utter hatred before dissipating in a flicker of white.

Claire made her way back to the elevator and Valkyrie followed her, huffing.

"What's _his_ problem?" she snapped quietly.

Claire smiled lightly. "He iz…juzt very protective of me."

"Yeah? Well, I'm not doing anyone any harm."

Claire glanced at her with a look of surprise. "But you are ze Valkyrie Cain!"

The elevator door closed with a _ting_ and started its countdown.

"Yeah, so?"

"People, zey fear you."

Valkyrie blanched. "Fear me? Why? What have I done?"

"People die around you!"

"I work in a dangerous field, like you, people die in this line of work, like, _all_ the time."

Claire blinked her large eyes slowly. "I haz been wiz Blu`er since thirteen. I haz only seen one person die. How many haz you?"

Valkyrie bit her lip and didn't answer.

"I am sorry…I…I crossed a line!" Claire said quietly and reached for Valkyrie's hand. "You might be a nice person, Valkyire Cain."

Valkyrie slipped out of her soft grip with little effort and shrugged heavily. "Yeah. We'll see."

* * *

Skulduggery and Vich pulled the Sanctuary car over to the side of the road and threw themselves out of the vehicle to the ditch where the blue van had tumbled. Skulduggery burned an intensely bright flame in his palms and made his way down as Vich jogged further up the roadside in search of footprints.

The light burned bright enough to see clearly a few feet ahead as Skulduggery slid gracefully the rest of the way down the slope. He skipped lightly and ran to the van's door and pulled it open. It rolled across its struts loudly and banged to a stop. He threw his arm inside and sighed in relief – it was empty.

"Skulduggery!" Vich called from above, waving his arms over his head for his attention. Skulduggery waved his flaming palm back. "Zere're more trackz!"

Without so much as a flick of his hands he took to the air and landed next to Vich who seemed startled and impressed but didn't comment on the Irish man's ability to fly. Instead, he pointed to the tarmac and the slight burnout that marked the road.

"_He's in a hurry_," Vich said distractedly as he and Skulduggery traced the faint tyre treads up the road. "_And then he...he turns here. Huh_." He leaned back on a leg and tapped his shinning black leather shoe in thought. "_Very odd_."

"_Yes_," Skulduggery muttered, "_Also very unlikely_. _Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Blu`er? Or is it just me being cleaver?_"

Vich raised an eyebrow at the skeleton. "_It would seem we really do have someone else posing as our Paris Snatcher_."

"_Looks to be that way_."

"_And you believe them to be summoning this Capricorn?_"

"_Well there are very few spells that require children as the core ingredient, so it's not exactly a wild guess._"

Vich looked sceptic. "_But hardly anyone one knows about Capricorn, plus the summoning requires a million other ingredients, all of them extremely rare, I mean, the only remains of a Backahurst are at the Sanctuary_,_ and Claire and Valkyrie should have it safely secured and burned by now,_" he paused. "_Oh my god, you didn't tell them to burn it!_"

"_Hmm. Must have skipped my mind_," Skulduggery said with a shrug as Vich bolted past, towards the car.

* * *

They were back in the cab, travelling quickly along the back roads, trying to avoid as much midnight congestion as possible. The Eiffel tower loomed several hundred yards to their left, but the two young women ignored it as they passed. Valkyrie looked across to Claire holding the white sack on her lap; it wobbled dangerously and grossly.

"Soooo…" she began slowly, "parts of a Backahurst, right? I think I read somewhere that they're pretty rare. What's it for?"

"I don't know. I hoped you might?" Claire raised her eyebrows hopefully towards Valkyrie who laughed at her terrified face, despite trying to be nice.

"You gotta man up, Claire!"

Claire frowned slightly. "Man up? What doez zis mean?"

Valkyrie blew the fringe off her forehead loudly. "Get brave. Put your game face on!"

"Put a game on my face? Why?"

"Just stop looking scared!"

Claire understood and dropped her head sadly. "I know I am not…brave. Not like you…"

Valkyrie gave her a brief glare when her phone vibrated on the cab's dashboard, she swept it up and swiped the unlock button, slamming the device to her ear.

"You better not be driving while talking?" Skulduggery growled through the metallic static. Valkyrie winced.

"Nah, course not!"

"You are, I can hear it in your voice. Pull over."

"Skul, I don't think now's the time-"

"Pull over Valkyrie, _now_."

Valkyrie sighed and pulled on the indicator lights to park on the side of the street. "Okay, I'm parked. What's up?"

"Oh nothing," said Skulduggery now suddenly cheerful, "just checking up if you two have gotten the Backahurst remains yet."

Valkyrie tapped impatiently on the wheel. "Yeah, we did. Why? What's so important about it anyways?"

"Oh that's great news! Vich," Skulduggery said away from his phone but Valkyrie could still hear him well enough, "_They burned the Backahurst_."

"_Thank god, are they okay!?_" Vich's voice was faint, but distressed – Valkyrie assumed they were in a car together.

"Vich wants to know if you two are okay?" Skulduggery asked, his voice returning to clarity in Valkyrie's speakers.

"Umm. Yes. Naturally. Should I be worried? There's something you're not telling me, isn't there? Something I should be panicking about inside but still looking totally cool and level headed."

Skulduggery could be heard tapping the bezel of his phone. "Well, there might be a supererogatory situation."

"A super-what now!?"

"Super-oh, I'll explain later. For the moment I need you and Claire to just sit pretty."

"We're sitting, _I'm _pretty. Can't say much about Claire though," she looked at her. "Sorry."

Claire gave her a confused smile, oblivious.

"She's such a dear." Valkyrie commented haughtily. "I really need to know what I'm waiting for though, Skulduggery. Is it bad?"

"Depends. A little bit. Well, a big bit. _A lot_, actually. It's pretty bad, yes."

"Okay. I'm taking it that this Paris Snitch of a guy isn't our typical run-off-the-mill bad guy, is he?"

"The man we're after _isn't _the Paris Snatcher, Valkyrie, his name is Allred Manic and he's a Satan worshipper and part of the Capricorn Occult. He used the Paris Snatcher as a cover to lead us off his sent for a few hours while he goes about conducting his plan."

"Whoa…whoa, whoa…" said Valkyrie loudly, planting her hand on her forehead in shock. "You told me the Capricorn Occult was wiped out after the Dark Ages five hundred years ago!"

"It did. But I'm guessing Allred decided to revive it. And good for you for remembering!"

"Oh my god, he's going to summon Capricorn, isn't he?"

"Umm…let's hope it doesn't come to that."

"Bloody hell, Skulduggery!" Valkyrie cried, looking around the car and out the windows frantically. "Why are we just sitting here like plump ducks then!? If he gets the Backahurst then he can open the portal and he'll let the Devil in! Have you _read _the stories!? It fought a Faceless One and _lived_ to have a legend written up about it! We got to move!"

There was silence on his end of the line.

Valkyrie paused momentarily, and then frowned. "Oh…_no_…"

"Valkyrie, stay calm about this!"

"You're using me as _bait_!?"

"That's a strong word for it, but-"

"You decide to concoct your own plan and use me as _bait_!?"

"Valkyrie, stay-"

"I'm bait," Valkyrie laughed in disbelief and turned to Claire who was terrified by the dark haired woman's outburst. "Can you believe this guy? We're bait!" She returned to the phone. "And what about this Claire character, huh? You okay with her being here with me? She can't even speak up let alone defend herself!"

"Look, _Valkyrie_," said Skulduggery firmly the moment his partner stopped voicing her opinion. "At some point Allred is going to come looking for you and the Backahurst, I need you to keep him at bay while Vich and myself get the children, okay? Valkyrie? Remember when you wanted to help them? Well now's your chance."

Valkyrie bit her tongue and nodded. "All right, fine."

"Partners?"

"Always and forever…after I kick your sorry, bony butt!"

Skulduggery chuckled and Valkyrie cracked a smile when the door to the cab on Claire's side was wrenched clean from its lock and hinges with a shatter of glass. Valkyrie ended the call as Claire screamed for her life, a large, black, hairy hand dragging her out of the car and flinging her against the Paris footpath.

* * *

Vich and Skulduggery stared at the phone in shock as it erupted in a loud, ear piercing scream, which Skulduggery clicked off with a quick press of the button.

"Sounds like Valkyrie has everything under control," he said quickly as Vich's face paled, his blue eyes dilated and his mouth dropped. The skeleton reached across, put a finger under his chin and pushed up, closing his jaw. "There, much better."

"_You're leaving your partner to fight the man off herself_?" He said incredulously and sat back in his seat, beads of sweat breaking across his face. "_What about Claire!?_"

"_I'm sure Valkyrie will look out for her_."

"_She slapped her earlier tonight, you maniac skeleton! She's as irrational as you are!_"

Skulduggery tutted as he pressed the sanctuary car faster down the highway. "_Valkyrie may be many things, but she's not stupid_._ I trust her with my life_."

Vich gritted his teeth audibly and didn't seem at all settled; he cast as glare at the Irish detective. "_Do you trust her with Claire's life?_"

"_Imperatively._"

"_I hold you to that, Pleasant_."

Skulduggery felt his shoulders tense and pressed the accelerator to the floor.

* * *

**Skulduggery's Phone**

**=Missed Call MON 16:34 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**TEXT MESSAGE_erskine: SENT MONDAY 16:36 - _Hey, guess ur not near ur phone atm, Skul, hope u nd Val got to Paris safe. Rav._**

**=Missed Call TUES 21:54 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**=Missed Call TUES 22:06 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**TEXT MESSAGE_erskine: SENT TUESDAY 22:30 - _Ur avoiding me. u better not be messing up my cottage with ur fights with Val or ill kill u both. Rav. Pick up next time goddammit_**

**TEXT MESSAGE_erskine: SENT WEDNESDAY 08:30 - _ill b calling u in an hour for an update. pick up damn u skul_**

******=Missed Call WED 09:32 from_Ravel Erskine=**  


******=Missed Call WED 09:45 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**********=Missed Call WED 09:55 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**=Missed Call WED 10:13 from_Ravel Erskine=**

******=Missed Call WED 10:37 from_Ravel Erskine=**

******TEXT MESSAGE_erskine: SENT WEDNESDAY 10:39 - _just texted Val nd she says ur phone is working fine. now pick up. nd stop playing bloody badminton. and for christs sake man let the girl win at least once._**

**********=Missed Call WED 10:55 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**************=Missed Call WED 11:12 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**=Missed Call WED 11:32 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**TEXT MESSAGE_erskine: SENT WEDNESDAY 11:35 - _DID YOU TELL VAL TO STOP TEXTING ME!? PICK UP!_**

******=Missed Call WED 11:45 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**********=Missed Call WED 12:00 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**=Missed Call WED 12:12 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**TEXT MESSAGE_erskine: SENT WEDNESDAY 16:38 - _seriously skul, if you dont pick up next time i call, ur off the case!_**

******=Missed Call WED 16:43 from_Ravel Erskine=**

******TEXT MESSAGE_erskine: SENT WEDNESDAY 16:50 - r u dissing my authority? pick up now, i bloody order u skulduggery.**

**=Missed Call WED 16:57 from_Ravel Erskine=**

******=Missed Call WED 17:10 from_Ravel Erskine=**

******TEXT MESSAGE_erskine: SENT WEDNESDAY 17:16 - _U CANT JUST TELL GHASTLY TO TELL ME TO STOP ANNOYING U WHILE UR ON UR "HOLIDAY" THIS IS SERIOUS SKULDUGGERY PICK UP NOW DAMMIT_**

**********=Missed Call WED 17:32 from_Ravel Erskine=**

******TEXT MESSAGE_erskine: SENT WEDNESDAY 18:05 - _fine. i give up. just get the job done u moron_**

* * *

**Ravel's Phone**

**TEXT MESSAGE_Skulduggery Pleasant: SENT THURSDAY 02:23 - _Target change. After Allred Manic._**

* * *

**Skulduggery's Phone**

**=Missed Call THUR 02:30 from_Ravel Erskine=**

**TEXT MESSAGE_erskine: SENT THURSDAY 2:35 - _for the love of god be careful u two_**

* * *

**PART 2, COMING SOON ;D**

**WILL THEY CATCH THE PARIS SNATCHER AND ALLRED!? OR WHAT!?**

**do-do-doooo!**

**I hope y'all enjoyed! LOVE AND PEACE TO YA ALL FOLLWOEDCLOSELYBYAREVIEW! :3**


	5. 2368: Allred Manic

**Valkyrie: 19**

* * *

**OPEN**

* * *

******Case File #2367: The Paris Snatcher**

**Case File #2368: Allred Manic**

**Assigned Detectives: ****Irish Prime Detective Skulduggery Pleasant, French Prime Detective Blu`er Vich, Irish Detective Trainee Valkyrie Cain, French Detective Trainee Claire de Lune**

**Objective: Stopping Allred Manic by any and all means possible and available**

**Referred by: Deemed top priority by Assigned Detectives**

**Signed by: Not available**

**Other notes: Not available**

* * *

Valkyrie kicked open her door, had nothing in her hands except her beloved iPhone which she looked at momentarily, groaned, and lobbed it hard and fast at the creature's large head. It hit hard with a resonating crack, its ebony dark eyes spun around and locked onto her, leaving Claire to whimper loudly, grab the sack up from the ground and make a desperate run from the conflict.

Valkyrie backed up quickly as it drew itself to its full height, standing somewhere at eight feet – perhaps ten if those black, twisted horns where to be counted. It was a goat. A man-goat, to be precise. Almost Minotaur-ish. Except for the long, plaited beard under its saliva drenched chin.

That didn't look right.

And the sharp, wolf-like fangs were kind of unfair and out of place.

As if demonstrating its strength it reached under the car and lifted it up, flinging it sideways in a shower of sparks and glass – the headlights flickered and guttered out.

There was now nothing between her and the Goatman.

Valkyrie thew her hand forward, summoning a wall of shadows into the creature's heaving chest, sending it stumbling backwards into the wall of a building, then turned and ran.

About now Valkyrie realised she hated Paris.

It was too neat. Too pretty. Too perfect. Like someone with OCD meticulously laid everything out every morning.

It wasn't like Ireland at all, where if you pushed a chair out from under a table you weren't expected to push it back in. You just left it there, ready for the next patron to sit themselves at.

It also made running past and throwing them in a pursuers' way that much easier.

And when the Goatman smashed past everything at least in Ireland it didn't look like such a mess – just another drunken night amongst the yocals. But here, in France, in Paris, Valkyrie was destroying café tables and pretty wrought iron chairs and bins and any other item not welded to the ground, left, right, and centre, in a clear and blatant unadulterated path of utter destruction.

Valkyrie turned a corner, felt someone grab the sleeve of her protective coat and pull her inside the darkness of the millionth café shop she had run past that night. She squatted down against the window, a cold, clammy hand pressed over her mouth so tight that Valkyrie couldn't part her jaw to bite at it. She heard the Goatman gallop by and relaxed, flicking the hand away from her face.

"Thanks," she panted as Claire helped her to her feet. Valkyrie didn't object and stooped, trying to catch her breath. "I have…_no_, idea…what that _thing_…_is_!"

"Faun," Claire answered quietly, her green eyes shone eerily in the dark.

"Aw damn," Valkyrie gasped, standing up straighter and holding her stomach. "Really?" she grimaced as her legs twinged painfully. "I thought fauns were supposed to be, you know, like Mister Tumnus."

"Like who?"

"Like the faun from Narnia. Mister Tumnus?"

Claire frowned delicately. "Why would fauns be like zat?"

"I don't know," she said, arching her back, "Just optimistic, hopeful speculation."

Claire wrinkled her nose, confused and dragged the sack across the floor to a coffee table where she managed to lift it onto a seat. She looked at it for a moment with her glowing hazel eyes and then slumped into the chair next to it and shivered.

"I hope Blu`er iz okay…" she murmured.

Valkyrie pulled up a chair and sat across from her. In the dark she could just make out her shape as she rubbed her arms for warmth. Groaning inwardly, Valkyrie took off her protective jacket and passed it to the French girl, avoiding eye contact.

"Here," she grunted. "'Cause you look cold and I'm not as mean as everyone makes me out to be."

"Oh non…I'm fine."

"No really, I insist."

"I am not _zat_ cold."

"Dude, you're in nothing but a blue dress and its freezing outside. Of course you're cold!"

"But what about you? You only have a shirt on?"

"The tunic is special. Going to take it or not?" She waved her jacket up and down over the table a bit for emphasise.

"I…I couldn't-"

Valkyrie slammed her free fist against the coffee table and snarled. "_Take_ the _bloody_ jacket!"

Claire quickly grabbed it from her as Valkyrie smiled happily at her good deed for the night.

"Umm…thankyou, Valkyrie…"

"You're welcome!"

A silence passed over them as they continued to sit there, in the coffee shop, in the dark. There was an old grandfather clock somewhere and it counted each passing second with a wooden clock of its swinging pendulums. Without warning it struck an hour and three loud bongs filled the room and set Valkyrie's teeth and nerves on edge.

"Why are ve juzt zitting here?" Claire asked quietly, nervously. She was fiddling with the cuffs of Valkryie's jacket – the arms slightly too long for her - maybe a little tight too.

"Because we're bait, and bait sits. Plus we're pretty safe in here, the doors are closed so the _faun_can't smell us or the Backahurst parts out. Skulduggery and Vich will have plenty of time to save the kids while that thing is looking for us," she nodded, "all in all, one of the best plans we've come up with."

"You call zis…a _plan_?"

Valkyrie snorted. "Duh."

"And if ziz one doezn't work, what zen?"

"Usually our fall back plan is to call on the power of _Awesome_, which more often than not gets the job done."

"Who iz _Awezome_?"

Valkyrie laughed. "It's not a person; it's a state of being."

Her pretty brow wrinkled. "You juzt _be_ awezome?"

Valkyrie tapped her nose slyly. "Exactly!"

Claire shook her head. "Zat iz zo, zo, dangerouz! Blu`er and I, we follow ze plan, and ze backup plan, and ze backup plan after zat! We work in total sync and in total harmony!"

"Hey, Skulduggery and I work in sync and stuff too," Valkyrie objected.

Claire raised her eyebrows at her and Valkyrie could just make out the expression in the dark.

"Well," Valkyrie said after a moment, "we're _relatively_ in sync and harmonised, and stuff. But that's what makes our teamwork special. Unique. And hey, the world's still spinning, so it must be working."

Claire shrugged. "It could be zmoother. More zupportive."

"Claire, Vich couldn't leave you to fight your way out of a paper bag."

The French girl frowned as the ground shook.

* * *

Skulduggery took a running jump into the air, flew several metres and landed silently onto the ceramic tiles of a French house. To his right Blu`er Vich landed with a soft clack, his handsome face had a papery texture and there was yesterday's headline written across his forehead. He shook himself like a dog and his skin and clothing returned to their normal state. He adjusted his dark hair and straightened his suit with a flick before nodding to Skulduggery who steadied the heel of his boot against the glass of the skylight. He raised three fingers.

Vich started the countdown in his head but on two Skulduggery kicked through the glass and followed it into the darkness of the room below. The French detective face palmed and jumped after him.

The floor was further than he thought and his knees buckled under him as he righted himself. Skulduggery was already inspecting the small room by the light of the flame in his palm.

Vich took the opposite end of the room and studied the darkness. He had no need for light; his blue eyes glowed eerily in the shadows.

"_They were here_," he said quietly, stroking the walls. "_Maybe a little over half an hour ago they were moved_."

Skulduggery raised his arm high and studied the ceiling. He tutted. "_We should check the rest of the house_."

They split up.

The hallway Skulduggery found himself in smelled of mould and must and dust that had dampened to such a point it covered everything in a sickly grey fuzz. He followed it until it came out into an open room, sparsely littered with non matching furniture: a small purple sofa, barely big enough for one large man and a mahogany coffee table. It was spacious enough despite the fact it had a large, black barred cage in its centre.

Skulduggery walked the outer edge of the room, studying the cage as he went around then approached it. The bars were solid and he touched them, feeling the icy hum of some imbued magic – symbols most likely, carved somewhere into the metalwork.

"Like a vampire's cage except," he plucked a tuft of brown hair from the corner of the bars. It was thick and oily as he split it over his fingers, "Except for the fact vampires don't shed fur-"

He stopped.

He glanced around the room and seemed to deflate.

Valkyrie wasn't around to hear his awesome hypothesis.

Skulduggery made the sound of clicking his tongue and let the fur float to the ground. Seriously, what was the point of having a student if it wasn't around at all times to listen to the amazing things he often deduced? He sighed and was about to make his way back up the hall when there came several shots of a gun, the sound of Vich shouting something that sounded like half his name and then the crash of the French Prime Detective flying through the plaster wall.

Vich stumbled backwards, plaster and dust and paint having ruined his perfectly jet black suit and managed to collect his feet under him as he hit the cage and ricocheted off it and into Skulduggery who swung him to the ground as bullets flew into the roof. Skulduggery pulled Vich to the side, a spray of bullets following them, pushed him behind the hideous purple sofa and threw himself after the man.

Vich leaned against it as he sucked at the air, trying to overcome the winding he had received from going through the wall. He watched from the corner of his eyes as Skulduggery pulled out his Smith and Wesson, checking the rounds in the cartridge before spinning it closed on the side of his arm.

"_How many?_" He whispered, edging his head around the side of the ugly seat to glare into the dark.

"_One. The Paris Snatcher_."

Skulduggery looked back at him amused.

"_Shut up_!" He snapped indignantly. "_I didn't see him! He jumped up on me_!"

Skulduggery chuckled when something dropped on top of them, colliding heavily into him and pinning him to the ground, several blades imbedded in his suit and piercing through the gaps of his ribs.

He screamed, raised his gun and fired at the man who wrenched his blades from the floorboard, back through Skulduggery and dodged the fire-shot with ease, darting back away into the darkness.

Skulduggery let Vich pull him upright and onto his feet as he pulled his suit downwards, inspecting the holes. He cursed.

"Damn it._ Ghastly warned me this was the last shade of black-green being made by Armani_." He tutted angrily and threw off the jacket, leaving it on sofa.

Vich stared at it sadly. "_Ah, my friend, that is so unfortunate_." He rested a hand on the skeleton's shoulder in respectful silence. "_Still, better it got you than me_."

"_Yes. I suppose so. Ssh!_"

The two detectives ducked down slightly as there came a scurrying along the walls, the sound of long nails scraping along dry plaster and wood circled them in a feverish haste.

"_Vich, you can see in the dark,_" said Skulduggery lowly, raising his gun to wherever the sound darted. "_Point and I'll shoot_."

Vich backed up against him. "_He's in the walls, Skulduggery_."

"_Oh joy."_

"_Quiet._"

The stood still, back to back. Silent.

Waiting.

The wall opposite them erupted suddenly in a cloud of plaster as the Paris Snatcher exploded out, the blades at his hands glinting in the dark, his black teeth bared in a snarl. Vich started forward but was too slow to dodge; the blades nicked his side as he dived across them and burrowed into the floorboards. Skulduggery ran to it and fired several bullets after the Snatcher. Tutted loudly and looked across at the other detective.

"_You okay?_"

Vich nodded his fine and pale features. _"Just a nick_." He passed the cage and grabbed a bar, absorbing the material until it spread across his body and clothes, turning him into the same black metal.

"_Let's make him pay_."

The two jumped down into the room below.

It smelled foul.

Vich coughed. "_It's gas_."

"_Clever._" Skulduggery muttered as he pushed at the air. The smell dispersed enough for his French partner to breath and another shower of bullets ripped through the darkness.

They dropped to the floor and scrambled for cover.

"_I can see him_!" Vich whispered urgently. "_Thirty feet away, at forty-five past two!_"

Skulduggery directed his arm to the directions Vich had given him and fired the last bullets in the gun.

The Snatcher screamed. Shouted profanities to the air as Vich lunged to his feet, racing across the darkness to collide his iron fist into the man's face.

The Snatcher went down with a grunt, the blades he carried slashing desperately out against his attacker whose skin was now almost impenetrable. Skulduggery stepped back and offered a round-house kick in the man's side, sending the blades scattering across the floorboards as the Snatcher curled into a foetal position.

Vich picked him by the collar of his shirt and shook him like a ragdoll. "_WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN!_"

The Snatcher laughed weakly between his gasps. "_Probably eaten by The One, by now_."

"_Tell us_," said Skulduggery darkly, "_and my friend here will only beat you to a bloody pulp_."

The man said nothing but continued to snigger and cough and wheeze manically.

"_He comes!_" He heaved. "_He comes! And you won't be able to stop him_."

Skulduggery looked at Vich's glowing eyes and shrugged.

From out of the dirty folds of the Paris Snatchers clothes came a lighter.

Vich shouted.

Skulduggery moved.

And the spark spread across the room and into violent yellow flames in less than a second.

Skulduggery felt his body fly through the drywall and land several stories down into the side-streets of Paris.

For a moment, all went black.

* * *

Valkyrie wasn't sure what Claire screamed but it made her body move in a way that she hadn't expected it would ever, _ever_ do. It leaped across the table and took the assault. Took it, claws and all to the side of her body like…

Like a bloody hero.

Like a true to god-damn life bloody hero.

And she flew across the small café like one too.

It wasn't the greatest idea out there, Valkyrie knew as she groggily levied herself up using the wall for support. But it did the trick. It gave Claire de Lune a few extra seconds to grab the Backahurst remains and make a run for it.

The tunic had mostly saved her from being torn in half by the Faun's sharp talons, and she could feel the flesh at her side slowly knit together - but it hadn't lessened the blow any and she was struggling to breath as the ceiling from which it had emerged so suddenly from collapsed behind it. Its large horns dug two trails through the roof-work as it lumbered towards her, swinging its grizzly man arms and baring it wolfish teeth.

_Oh god, here we go_. Valkyrie thought bitterly, gritting her teeth together.

She felt the surge of power flow into her and Darquesse stepped forward.

"Hello you big, ugly brute," she cooed, stepping from the wall and shrugging the pain off. "Time to make lamb stew out of you, although I doubt you'd taste any good."

Darquesse threw her hands forward, clenching her fingers so that they sharpened into spears. The faun hollered as they ploughed into his chest but it didn't stop him from lunging at her, lowering its massive skull down towards her, ramming her into the wall, through the brickwork and out into the cold night air.

Darquesse went spinning into the ground, used the momentum to roll to her knees and feet and turned her head back to the correct angle. She felt her bones snap back into place and spat onto the cobblestone.

"Lucky shot."

She dove forward on her fours like an animal, jumped into the air as the monster punched out at her, proving it had speed to the almost match its strength and caught her in mid-flight. Darquesse grinned maliciously as she latched onto its fist, doing a handstand over it harmlessly then followed through with a sharp wave of shadows which took his hand clean off at the wrist.

The severed limb hit the ground with a thud as the Faun howled. Its new bloody stump steamed in the icy air as Darquesse landed evenly on her feet, spinning on her heel, summoning blades of darkness at her sides.

These ripped through the creature, tearing it limb from limb. Shredding its dark brown, oily fur from its skin. With a gurgled and pathetic cry is succumbed to its knees and Darquesse threw her hand out, decapitating it.

The massive head dropped to the ground and rolled towards her feet. The clatter of the ivory horns echoing in the now silent night.

Darquesse blinked back the rage and sighed. "That was no fun."

Two hazel eyes gaped at her from across the street and a small voice followed.

"What _are_ you?!"

Darquesse rubbed the back of her neck as she kicked the Faun head away from her. "Confused, mostly."

Claire frowned. "I don't under-"

Darquesse bristled sharply. "MY GOD WHY ARE YOU SO-"

Claire's phone rang just as she was about to run and Darquesse lowered her hand quickly, taking fast breaths to regain her self-control.

Claire said a few words and passed her the phone, informing her it was Skulduggery.

Biting her lip, Darquesse took it.

"Valkyrie?"

"Uh…kind of."

Skulduggery's voice darkened. "Darquesse."

"Well…ah…we're in limbo at the mo. I can't tell who I am. Valkyrie? She kind of just, let go, I swear I wasn't even gunna make a show, I-"

"Yes, alright. Fine. We'll talk later. Right now there's a maniac on the loose who wants to summon Capricorn."

Valkyrie frowned. "I thought you were dealing with that?"

Skulduggery made a strangled sound at the back of his not-at-all-there throat. "We got the Paris Snatcher, Thom-Maz, but Allred wasn't there. He was using him as a divergence in case we found his holding."

"Well can't you just interrogate him? You know, the old left and right? Play good cop, bad cop. He sounds petty, I'm sure he'll break in seconds."

"Umm…I don't think that works on corpses."

Valkyrie face palmed. "Why, oh why, did you kill him?"

"He suicided on us."

"And _what_? You couldn't _stop_ that?"

"The room was filled with gas, he lit a cigarette lighter, blew himself up. It was all very sudden."

"Skulduggery, I did everything right my end. I even killed a faun single-"

"Awww…" the skeleton cut in sadly. "Really? They're usually the nicer magical creatures out there."

Valkyrie blanched. "Are you kidding!? It was ten feet tall! And two of those feet were its horns! It almost skewered me; I went through a _wall_ for Christ's sake!"

"But still, a _faun_? They're adorable. Haven't you seen Narnia?"

Rubbing the bridge of her nose angrily Valkyrie responded bitterly. "It was _not_ like Mister Tumnus, at all. It was, a giant, hairy man-goat, with a beard and a thirst for blood. You, sir, are ill informed about fauns."

"I'll take your word for it then."

"Thankyou."

"I do think it's rather brutal. Can't help but get the imagery of Mister Tumnus' head rolling about on the floor in a sad, miserable, but cute kind of way."

Valkyrie blinked. "What you said just genuinely creeped me out."

Skulduggery chuckled.

"So, there's my lovely Backahurst."

Valkyrie spun around to watch as a heavily cloaked man emerged from the shadows, the darkness writhing at his feet, his eyes shadows by the night and by the hang of his dry forehead.

Claire stepped backwards, tripped on her feet and fell onto the cobblestone.

Valkyrie gripped the phone tightly, "Did you just make us bait, _again_!?"

"Oh look, your location just came up on Vich's awfully smart, smart phone. Be there soon!" He hung up.

Valkyrie closed her eyes and opened them, looking up at the sky and praying for patience. "Allred," she said slowly, "I have had a long, and crappy night. See your pet there? If you don't get the hell out of my sight, I'm going to lop your head off-"

Allred stepped forward with a grin, placed a hand on Claire who, in her fear lunged for Valkyrie's leg.

Valkyrie stared at her and her eyes widened.

"Aw, damn, no."

They disappeared.

* * *

Vich acted like he was having a cardiac arrest when Claire's signal vanished from the screen of his phone. "_OH MY GOD THEY'RE GONE!_"

Skulduggery glanced across at him. "_He can't be a teleporter, so he's shadow-walked. He'll show up somewhere close by_."

Vich didn't seem at all comforted. "_Dear god, he got her_."

"_And Valkyrie_," Skulduggery added, as if that would help the situation any.

The French man threw a stare his way, but didn't risk saying anything as his phone vibrated in his hand. He leaned forwards in relief.

"_She's reappeared!_"

"_There, nothing to worry about_."

Vich frowned at the glow of his screen as the digits in the upper right hand side started to clock upwards, stopping at three-hundred feet…

In the air.

Near about the Eiffel Tower.

Most likely _on_ the Eiffel Tower.

He groaned and warranted a concerned glance across from Skulduggery who leaned across to the look.

"Oh."

* * *

Valkyrie had always wanted to climb the Eiffel Tower.

Climb it with that special someone.

Walk up the many steps, taking her time, arm in arm with the man of her most wild dreams, looking out over the city. So dreamy, and wonderful and all the good things.

Not this.

Oh god, not this.

Valkyrie hit the metal floor with a loud clang, spraining her wrist and grating the skin from her palms. She rolled as a blade of shadow struck the space where she had appeared and scrambled ungracefully to her feet. The wind whipped at her hair, stinging her face with tiny lashes, and stabbing at her eyes. She clawed at her face and threw it behind her head just as a child grabbed her around the waist, screaming.

"_I don't want to die_!" He wailed.

Valkyrie didn't have a clue what he said, but wobbled dangerously from the boy's impact and then took him down with her as a wave of shadows came at her at neck height. The child was truly bawling now.

Valkyrie got to her feet, dragging the small person behind her and pushing him up the walk way as Allred approached her, the Backahurst remains in his grip.

He was a hideously scaly man, as if the ground spewed him up out of white clay and gave him a some-what human shape. His eyes were black; his nose was sharp but laid across his face in a crooked tilt. That narrow face was open with a just as narrow mouth; a bloody red tongue inside that he ran across the thin edges of his mouth.

The hood that shrouded him had blown off; his cloak whipped behind his body and framed him in a crazy fray of movement. His hair was thin and slicked to the pale of his skin – it didn't move and inch.

"Watch," he shouted over the wind, putting the sack of Backahurst over the rails. He grinned and let it go.

* * *

Skulduggery drove the Sanctuary car along the road hugging the Seine River and threw it into an empty space, jumping out of the vehicle and holding his hat to his head. Vich came around to his side, his face down at his phone, following the signal from Claire's. He looked up, nodded at the Irish detective and they ran towards the base of the Eiffel Tower.

"_They're there!_" Vich shouted, pointing upwards into the weak morning light that had suddenly broken across the city. "_At the top! He's dropped the Backahurst! GO!_"

Without so much as a leap, Skulduggery took to the air, racing the rising sun as he shot upwards, the wind whistling his approach.

He could see Valkyrie's dark silhouette in the morning glow, could see Claire nursing an injury and the sack of remains coming ever closer.

Then, _THWOK!_

The barrier activated itself as Skulduggery passed the sigil and created a shield which he smashed into and seemed, for a moment, to stick there, almost like an insect which gets stuck on the windscreen of a car.

Valkyrie gaped as he seemed to peel off it and fall back to Earth.

Skulduggery slowed his fall and landed, his pride more hurt than all the pain in his bones caused by the sudden collision.

"_Don't_," he warned lowly, "_you_ _dare_ say _anything_," and stormed past Vich.

* * *

Valkyrie shook the most funniest thing she had ever seen from her vision and focused on the hole that had erupted from mid-way down the Eiffel tower. It spun and swirled a brilliant black, red and purple, lightning and thunder growling and flashing within. A gust of putrid wind poured out of it and blew into Valkyrie's face.

She choked and gasped for fresh air as a thunderous roar shook the ground, making the tower of steel and metal ring and vibrate like a bell.

She tried to grab the rails for support, but the rattling hurt her wrists and she let go with a cry.

Allred Manic was laughing, inhaling the stench wafting up towards them with gusto.

Valkyrie dragged the boy around to the other side of the walk-way where she found Clair, holding her shoulder, and another thirty children all bound and gagged.

She gaped at them all, suddenly feeling the gravity of the situation.

Valkyrie Cain had never faced a situation where childrens' lives depending on her.

She felt like she had aged a hundred years as she pulled a dagger from her left boot, throwing it to Claire, and bending for another hidden in her right. She lunged on the first girl who shied away from her, grabbed her forcefully by the bonds behind her and cut through the course rope. To her side, Claire was frantically doing the same. Tears pricking her eyes. Her breath laboured.

Valkyrie gave her a reassuring nod and it seemed to help.

"Hahaha, and just what are you doing?"

Valkyrie spun around, raising a wall of shadows that shielded the children and herself, charged forward and threw it off at the last moment, surprising the maniac with a flash of her dagger sliding across his chest.

Blood trickled through the black fabric and Allred stepped backwards, his face red with rage.

Valkyrie gave him no moment to recuperate, throwing a fireball into his face.

There came the satisfying sound of his white skin sizzling. Allred screamed and disappeared into the shadows.

Valkyrie looked around frantically, pulling the hair from her face and urging children to their shaking feet. "Come on," she urged a small girl who had managed a few steps before collapsing. "Come _on_! You can do it!"

She looked towards Claire. "Get them down!" She ordered,

Her green eyes glowed as she nodded and trundled the children down the first flight.

It was slow going. The young ones were bawling. Valkyrie had two clutching her waist and had scooped another up in her arms that wouldn't stop shaking – it's pyjamas not proving too effective in the early morning cold.

The sky lightened further and below, Valyrie could hear Skulduggery and Vich power housing towards them.

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery called. "The kids?"

"Got them all!" Valkyrie called back and screamed.

The blade twisted painfully inside her before being wrenched out and she dropped the kid, who started to scream and cry and run faster down the steps.

Valkyrie stood still and felt Claire's eyes on her, could hear her urging the children to run to the detectives on the lower floor as she grabbed hold of the railings, letting it grow across her, turning her skin into a dark metallic grey.

Allred didn't move fast for a thin man and Claire's iron fist caught him square in the kidneys. He recoiled, went down, howled in frustration and scrambled to his feet, collecting a kick. He grabbed her foot and Valkyrie shouted as Claire and Allred vanished.

Skulduggery reached her, his bony hand going straight to her shoulder in concern. "Valkyrie?"

She looked up at him. "He got Claire."

Skulduggery made to run onwards but Valkyrie held him back. "No. I'll do this. Just get those kids as far from here as possible."

They shared a look, and the skeleton nodded.

* * *

Claire fought against his grip in vain, losing the focus on her powers, turning back into flimsy flesh.

For a stick of a man he was deathly strong and she eyeballed the narrow of the blade at her neck and then stole a glance at the hole, churning and thundering a hundred metres below her. A rush of stink, humid air shot upwards and caught at her dress – she was grateful for Valkyrie Cain's coat.

"Forgive me!" Allred hollered to the sky, pressing the blade into the soft of her skin – Claire could feel a trickle of warmth race down her neck and into the collar of Valkyrie's coat. "I was unable to gather enough Blood of the Meek! But I pray, PRAY THAT THIS IS ENOUGH!"

Claire whimpered, held her breath and slammed her eyes shut as the blade made to slip across her throat…

It was then Valkyrie appeared.

Black like sin, dark as night, as ebony as fear.

Something in her lack lustre eyes screamed murder as she leapt from the air, black shadows following behind her like streamers. They twisted at her command and sharpened…

It wasn't to be.

Shadows came to Allred's defence, throwing Valkyrie back against the railings.

Claire tried to call for her, but couldn't. Valkyrie seemed to bounce back to her feet, unharmed.

"Let her go," Valkyrie snarled, summoning fire to her hands – so hot that it glowed white. "_NOW_!"

Allred bit his lip and in a violent act of defiance plunged his blade into Claire's stomach.

The air left her as he threw her from him and she started her decent into the chasm below her in a slow and melodic fashion.

Three hundred metres below she could hear Vich screaming her name.

But it didn't matter know. She was going to die.

Tears flew after her, peeling from her face.

Suddenly, hands shot out from nowhere, grabbing her around the shoulders and jerking her to a painfully agonising stop. She could feel Valkyrie's ragged breath in the nape of her neck and that young girl's vicious growl as she hauled her over the railings. Claire felt the solid metal under her hands and knees, and despite trying to be brave in front of the dark girl, she started to cry.

Valkyrie pulled her roughly to her feet. "For Christ's sake, Claire. Now's not the time!"

Valkyrie managed to get her up when Allred appeared.

"Seriously!?" Valkyrie howled, dropping Claire back to her knees with a clang. "How many times do you have to keep reappearing until you get it through your mind that you've lost!?"

She threw a right hand. He blocked. Followed it with a sharp left and a kick which he caught, flipping Valkyrie onto her back.

She coughed, desperately trying to catch her winded breath as he leered over her. "Lights out," he threw a blade of darkness at her which she managed to dodge.

Which she managed most of her to dodge…

The pain in her shoulder screamed the fact she had just lost her right arm.

Plus Clair's scream added to the certainty of that fact.

Valkurie stood, clutching her stump. _Okay, no more play_.

Allred lunged at her, a grin crackling across his burned face as shadows whipped around him.

Darquesse made a running start, swooping her fallen arm back up and brushed the assault aside, then followed up with spears of her own.

The wall Allred managed to put up, did the trick and blocked the onslaught. But Darquesse wasn't finished. He had lopped her arm off, and she was mighty peeved about that.

She hammered away at the shield, slashed at it again and again until the man was forced to step backwards – darkness coming away from him like ribbons.

His black eyes were wide with fear and he shadow-walked.

Claire watched in horror as the girl, Valkyrie, let a tendril of black wrap around his foot and pulled him out of the shadows, dragging him across the ground towards her.

"Lights out," she echoed, pressed her boot against his nose and pressed down.

Claire looked away as the squelch of skull and brain resonated in the wind. She felt an arm wrap around her waist and a terrifying strength lift her to her feet.

"Let's haul ass," Valkyrie panted, dragging her alongside.

"You're arm…itz okay!?"

"Yep."

Claire shook further question from her head and clutched her stomach as they made a slow start forward. "I'm not cut…?"

Valkyrie kept her eyes straight ahead. "It's a special coat, but you'll still hurt like hell tomo-"

The metal grates beneath their feet trembled.

"The portal!" Claire cried, looking down at it. "It'z closing! Zee!?"

Valkyrie stole a glance down, swallowed and cursed. "Go, go, go!"

The Eiffel Tower was shaking violently and there was a strange tilt starting to happen as the two scrambled down the stairs. The floor lurched, and Valkyrie felt her feet fall out from under her, Claire's hand griping her tightly around the wrist and righting her. Valkyrie blinked in surprise as they started forward.

An iron beam fell, Valkyrie slowing its decent with a gust of wind, letting it fall some metres away harmlessly.

"Itz falling apart!" Claire shouted over the tortured scream of metal, her eyes wide.

"I can see that!" Valkyrie hollered back.

The pair rolled under some fallen lattice and rose to their feet like ninjas.

"We're not going to make it!"

"Look, Claire! I getting really tired of your pessimism!"

"We have to jump for it!"

It was Valkyrie's turn to gaze at her wide-eyed. "What!? We're still two-hundred-"

Claire grabbed her around the waist and threw themselves forward and over the railings. Valkyrie's hands shot to her face in horror and she screamed her heart out.

Their decent slowed dramatically as Claire's blue dress flared out, becoming some kind of parachute and the drifted safely earthward.

And now that Valkyrie had started, she just could not, for the life of her, stop screaming.

* * *

Valkyrie felt the thud of solid ground under the soles of her boots and stumbled slightly. Her ears were freezing cold and everything she heard was dull and distant. French Sanctuary cars were beaming their headlights at her, people calling to each other in French – all this chaos and noise and rushing around and children crying somewhere.

_Well, damn_, she thought dumbly, _that dress was for something after all_.

Skulduggery stood in front of her and offered a supportive arm as Claire dashed from Valkyrie's side and ran at Vich, who scooped her up in his arms – their faces beacons of delight.

"Aww," said Valkyrie adoringly as they twirled. "See, Skul, why aren't we like that?"

"Please," said the skeleton, righting his hand and placing his ignored gesture at his side. "You screamed all the way down. You're so embarrassing! I don't want to be near enough to be associated to you let alone hug you, Valkyrie!"

Valkyrie looked at him with asking brows. "Just, _one_ spin."

Skulduggery looked away. "No."

"One quick twirl. Please? We'll make it _way_ better than theirs. We'll show them up!"

"Show them up?"

"Yup."

He nodded and gave a one sided shrug. "Just to show them up."

Skulduggery circled his arms under Valkyrie and lifted her, spinning her around a few times and then bring her in for a hug.

"You did well, Valkyrie."

"You too, Skulduggery."

Valkyrie felt him stiffen as he looked over her shoulder.

"Oh my."

"What?" Valkyrie tried to turn around but the detective kept her in his clutches.

"Nothing. Unless you wanted us to do that too?"

Valkyrie frowned and Skulduggery released her.

A few metres away, Blu`er Vich and Claire de Lune had started kissing passionately, the broken Eiffel Tower glowing in the new light behind them.

Valkyrie's mouth dropped. "_Him_ with _her!?_"

"What a twist," Skulduggery murmured humouredly.

They stared at each other and quickly parted.

Valkyrie cleared her throat awkwardly and stuck out her hand. "Put it there, partner."

Skulduggery chuckled. "Likewise."

They shook hands.

* * *

Vich and Skulduggery shook hands firmly as they waited on the tarmac beside their chartered jet.

"_We're really sorry about the Eiffel_," said Skulduggery.

Vich shrugged his thin shoulders and straightened his fedora. "_Nothing that can't be fixed, Skulduggery_. _We can probably do what the Italians did with their stupid Leaning Tower of Piza_. _Make a big deal out of it, or something_."

Valkyrie watched as they shared a laugh and Vich rounded on her quickly, pulling her into a giant hug. "_I cannot thankyou enough for looking after Claire, Miss Cain. You will make a wonderful, brave detective_," he pulled her back to look into her dark eyes and bright red face. "_Look after yourself, your partnership is very special: a bond of love. So watch out for this old stubborn suit of bones_."

Skulduggery snorted derisively as Valkyrie was let go, breathing shallowly.

"'Kay," she murmured, embarrassed. "Whatever you said sounds hot."

Vich grinned, kissed on both blushing cheeks and stepped out of the way for Claire to throw herself onto her.

"Thankyou for everything, Valkyrie Cain!" She beamed, stepping back and holding her hands with hers. "You are welcome back anyztime!"

Valkyrie smiled. "I'll hold you to it!"

Waving their farewells, Valkyrie and Skulduggery boarded the plane and made for Ireland.

"Okay. What'd Vich say?" Valkyrie asked once her face had cleared and she felt that they were high enough in the air to not be overheard.

Skulduggery turned from the window to look across at her. "He commended you on your beauty and bravery, and then complemented our partnership."

Valkyrie seemed deflated. "Is that all?"

Skulduggery sighed theatrically.

* * *

Erskine Ravel practically jumped ten feet into the air when the detective duo walked into his house, patting down their suits smartly like they had saved the world with little to no sweat. Which they had, but it wasn't like he was going to give them an inch of gratitude for it – they had all but demolished the Eiffel Tower while on their wild campaign across Paris.

They stood, sharply dressed in the doorway, looking at him pensively.

Ravel was about to make a comment when Skulduggery picked up his seventeenth century mahogany coat stand, shaking all the coats and hats from it, turned like a switch blade, and walked out with Valkyrie in tow.

* * *

**CLOSED**

* * *

**Case File #2367: The Paris Snatcher**

**Case File #2368: Allred Manic**

_**I can't even begin to mention all the destruction and how many minds had to be wiped. So I won't. **_

**Cain.**

_**It's like she doesn't even try anymore.**_

_**Damage to private property, excessive damage to a famous French Icon (dealt by Valkyrie Cain and Claire de Lune - for the records), the abduction and successful rescue of 34 children - minds wiped and returned to homes and schools. Faun body found before mortals could discover it and properly disposed of. I believe it is being stuffed and mounted. So sad. **_

_**The deaths of Thom-Maz Le Leaper and Allred Manic was unfortunate but necessary - they will be thrown in the dirt where they belong.**_

**SkulduggeryP**

* * *

**Whew! They did it!**

**Saved the world again!**

**:D welp. I'd love to hear from ya'll!**


End file.
